Back In The Game

I read an article recently called "Dating While Smart". It was a well-constructed diatribe about the woes of being a smart woman (particularly African American) in the dating world. She expounded on the pressure to "dumb it down" and the simple lack of men of her "caliber" around to make the dating experience anything less than frustrated.

Much of what she wrote, I could identify with to a certain extent. As an African American woman whose understanding of the world is shaped by my multicultural/multicontinental upbringing and multiple degrees of higher education, I have faced similar expectations and frustrations. Without sounding arrogant, it simply presents it's own set of challenges. Though my personal preferences do not exclude men with educational backgrounds different from mine, I do have a desire to have whoever I am involved with challenge me to be better. And, as I read her words, I found myself thinking of the added challenge (I hate to say) that my faith tends to add to how and who I consider in my dating life.

You see, I'm a firm believer in what the Bible says--we are not to be "unequally" yoked in our relationships (2 Cor 6:14). However, the reality of that is harder to live out for me than I would like to admit. The truth of the matter is that I struggle with that side that wants to simplify life and remove every hurdle that I have imagined exists (though not necessarily real) and just be ME. I'm a Christian and proud of that fact, but dealing with other people's assumptions about what that must mean is not fun.

It seems that everyone has their ideas of who I am before giving me a chance to be me. Ive had several well-intentioned gentlemen tell me that they couldn't pursue anything with me or other Christian women serious about their walk for fear of living in a space of being judged at every turn for their human frailties. And the truth is that I don't want to compromise my Christian standards. I don't want to deal with someone who is completely insensitive to my faith. But here has to be a happy middle ground, because I find myself frustrated by the constant miseducation of the world on Christians.

The unfortunate truth is that it isn't the world's fault that they feel this way. It's our fault as Christians who have approached the world in constant judgement because of legalistic rules that only apply to a few and have little to do with faith. One guy assumed in jest that I may be opposed to wearing high heels...really?? This is what my dating world is like?! Much of it makes me honestly want to strip myself of my faith-based titles and those assumptions at times. But when I even start to lean in that direction, I remember how much God loves me. I remember that, despite my sin, He acknowledges me at every turn. I remember that, God even says that if we deny him before men, he will deny us before the Heavenly Father.

And so, despite my frustrations of being "Saved While Dating", I persevere knowing that the RIGHT one will "find" me and will be able to see me. What I will never do is disavow my faith to accommodate ignorance. I guess I'll have to just chalk it up to being back in the dating game.

It is what it is.Keep walkin'...

MinD

The Personal Side of Water Walking Alone

I didn't think that this blog would end up being so personal and had originally no intention of talking about my love life, but I decided this week to let you in on the other side of this reality of walking the water. I figured this wouldn't be completely authentic without all sides. You see, I'm a single gal. Wanting to be married. No kids. Wanting to have kids. Getting older. Refuse to admit my clock may even have a tick in it. Dealing with the aftermath of failed relationships and all that goes with that...

So when I thought about doing this--walking into destiny, doing ministry, living for Jesus--I truly did not anticipate that I'd be doing it alone. In my dream of dreams I used to imagine galavanting around the world with a strong man who loves God as much as me and is willing to walk beside me on the water with both our eyes on Jesus. And while I know my walk towards God is in no way contingent on a husband and child, it's just not how I envisioned this season of my life going.

Some days I'm fine with it. Some days...not so much. Perhaps this was one of the weeks that it isn't quite making sense to do by myself. And I don't have the answers still. However, what I realized this week when I was talking to a potential new "friend" is that I am in a space where I've decided to focus more on HOPE than HURT. You see, water-walking has to be about hope in all sides of your life. If we're going to have a real conversation about faith, I can't just decide to share with you all about the areas of my life that conveniently fit into my professional/ministry corner. It can't be just about ministry.

Ministry is personal on all sides. As you decide to walk in faith you have to realize that you can't compartmentalize. So I encourage you to open up and walk with great HOPE and release all residue of HURTS that may hinder where you are going.

Blessings to ya!