Not Waiting For Heaven

I was talking to a friend today and something that she said really took me down my own spiritual rabbit trail. We were talking about favorite scriptures and she happened to mention that the first few verses of Psalm 27 were among her favorites. And while I agreed with her, I was silently reminded of one of my favorite parts of that psalm and it comes later down the line...verse 13 (lucky 13 I suppose). It says: 

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." 

And as I recited it out loud to her, I felt a bit of a nudge from the Lord reminding me of why I love this verse so much. It's no secret that times are hard for so many--both people I know and strangers across the land. Major hurricanes are threatening friends and family. Mud slides have killed hundreds. Friends have been disappointed, loved ones thinking of divorce, sickness plaguing bodies, friends of friends in hospice, poverty running rampant, political unrest and injustices, personal losses and so much more. It's been a tough season. 

But something keeps me going. It's a small word with a lot of power--HOPE. And it's not just the hope for the beauty of eternity in heaven, but hope for what I know we will see on this earth. I decided a long time ago that I was going to follow God with faith--not seeing or understanding what was coming but pressing through to the next step beyond the pain and beyond the darkness. And, at every turn I've been surprised and rewarded that on the other side of that tight space I've seen unexpected blessings. I don't do things for the blessing, but I do do them knowing that somewhere in this "land of the living" and not just when I'm surrounded by the heavenly host, I will experience joy, I will see goodness, I will see light...I will see God.

When I open my eyes and stop looking through the cloudy lens of my situation, I can see clearly to the fact that a spark of hope is still kindled in my spirit even on days when it isn't raging out of control like a forest fire. And what's so comforting in that is a little bit of hope goes a long way. 

It's been a while since I've written a prayer point, but this evening my fingers were itching to send this to you...yes YOU. I wanted to remind you that no matter what you are going through and what you see around you, know that there's still hope. Grab on to what little bit you can  find and ride through to the storm because a rainbow is sure to come.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

With All Due Respect: Race Doesn't Matter...until it does...It's Not About Religion...until it is

It's been a while since I've written a blog. In fact, I logged in to write this and found a draft with a similar subject header already in process and thought it appropriate to keep. I say that to say that these matters I'm about to discuss run deep and are not about one administration but about some deep-reaching heart matters that keep resurfacing. Since it's bubbling in my heart for some time, it's also a long blog so yeah...just a heads up...

You see, Martin Luther King, Jr has been on my mind quite a bit the last few weeks--and not just because it was his birthday in January. No. That isn't it. You see, I've seen a lot of posts on social media and heard several people saying that, in essence, they wish that people would stop talking about the challenges of our new administration. On my own posts (which have expressed sadness, fury and confusion), I've gotten a mixture of responses--some wishing I would stop stirring the pot of conversation, others saying that I'm "spewing rhetoric", some challenging my sources or ability to think for myself beyond mainstream media, some saying we just need to pray and some in agreement with my sentiments/words. It's been interesting to see/read to say the least and I've watched the comments, trying not to be offended, and relishing in the engagement of people to say and discuss that which they are passionate about. I guess I could delete people's comments from my page who I don't agree with, but what good is that? Where is there freedom if not in the exchange of thought--including the room to disagree? And so, I don't usually engage in debate. I state my opinion. Beyond that, my thought is a reader can do with that what they want (as long as they're not completely rude). It's not my job to convince anyone of my point of view but it is my job to speak...but wait...I'm getting ahead of myself.

Back to Martin Luther King, Jr. The thought I had rolling around in my head the last few weeks was more of a set of questions: What if he (and the others who served with him) remained silent? What if he decided not to "stir the pot"? What if, as a pastor, he chose to only pray? What if he only took a "wait and see" stance and hoped for the best? Where would we be? And I wonder the age-old question WWJD...What would Jesus do?

People have argued that it's not about religion or that it's not about race, but I would argue to the contrary based on what I've seen and heard over the last couple of years and, in particular, the last few weeks. IT (whatever it is that has come up) usually is about that very thing that people are so scared to label it as. I've watched and listened as people have even challenged my Christian responsibility as a pastor and leader, suggesting that I NOT say things that incite debate or division. What I know to be true is that my words are not meant to incite division though they may highlight and expose a division that is already there. I sometimes want to scream "Where have YOU been living???!" at comments from people who say this wasn't like this before. No. It just wasn't public. It's as if people assume that when the Civil Rights Act passed or Ms. Magazine was published suddenly all was right with the world. It is America's well/not-so-well-camouflaged dirty little secret that the Land of the Free has an addendum to that statement that says "land of the free FOR SOME". Don't get me wrong. I love being an American, but we are definitely still a work in progress. Having a conversation in which there is not agreement but there is a respectful exchange of thought and emotion is not contrary to my Christian belief. Even Jesus in his meekness and humility was not a complete pacifist. He didn't avoid conversation with those who challenged him. He merely spoke truth and kept it moving. He challenged people to challenge their own thoughts and beliefs. He didn't argue with people. He didn't debate. But He did not remain silent. Paul, the writer of much of the New Testament, called people out left and right about how their actions did or did not match up with true Christian thought. He guided people in action and in word. He did not remain silent.

My name is Andrea and I am a non-American born, black, female, Christian, American pastor who has a voice. Like every person in this world with a voice (and any number of social media accounts), I have influence. I know my influence. I have authority in Christ and I have small amounts of influence with my words and photographs. So it becomes my choice how I want to use that voice and that influence. Making statements that clearly say "I'm angry" or "I don't agree" don't say "You should be angry" or "You should agree with me" but they do start a conversation. I'm human. I would love for everyone to agree with me or at least hear me and not make me want to cringe with their responses; but what I want more than agreement is for learning and challenging and understanding to go forward. That leaves room for me to be wrong as well as others or for us to decide that "it's not wrong, it's just different".

However I can't lie (or provide an "alternate fact" should I say?), I was having a hard time understanding how people voted for D. Trump and how he became our 45th President. Overall, grace covers them and me in this journey. I'm not one of those people who would begrudge him his win or say that it should be revoked. I didn't call for a recount. I believe in the democratic process and am not tied to my team "winning". Though my opinion of him is not high (to say the least) and I've publicly said as much, he is my president. I do pray for him in positive ways and strive to serve him that way--through prayer. But I also call him to the service he was elected to serve me and not just the interests of a particular group. And so I have to pray even for myself and others like me that we will be proven wrong in our opinions, and he'll serve the greater American good. However, that doesn't mean I don't still struggle to understand. I can't help but remark about things that don't make sense to me (like "alternate facts" and someone with an approved green card being turned away from the country in the airport). Me writing and sharing this shows my struggle and hope to be understood.

I don't understand how we tell our kids not to bully and then give a bully the highest office in US government; or how anyone says that acts that HE SAID were continuations of his campaign promises to shut out Muslims are not religious because he wisely/tactfully/craftily/sneakily made a plan that didn't say that outright because that wouldn't be legal (like someone who figures out how to simply get what they want without breaking the law...is that ethical and right even if it's legal???); or how we can be humanitarians who would go to the ends of the earth to help people but are ultimately more concerned about our bank accounts (yes...us having to spend more money) than our neighbor up the street's ability to get and maintain healthcare and live above the poverty lines; or how someone can say that a person who generalized a whole group of non-white people from a specific place as rapists and murderers is not in any way racist and that I (a non-white person) can trust him fully to govern me and a country of all races with a just hand; or how we look at misogynist statements he made only a few years ago as "old news" and think that his groping hands have been reformed and that he thinks highly of women despite his past words and behavior? I just don't understand. I know that people said they voted for him despite these atrocities and as retaliation to injustices they have felt under the previous administration. But, I've struggled to reconcile that my friends who I respect, like, and love (still do) of all races and religious backgrounds and careers chose that over anything else.

I struggle because I take what he has said and who he has been in the past personally. VERY PERSONALLY. And so my bigger struggle is reconciling how you can like and support him and still like and support me? Is it even possible? Is it possible to say to someone "I love you" but then put someone in office who has the potential to completely ruin me personally? I come from a family of immigrants for whom the immigration process is still a relevant part of our lives--not like we just immigrated back in 1900 and then it's over but like today who have stakes in this immigration game. I'd like to know that my father is not in danger of being stopped at the borders because of his faith or the fact that he is a naturalized citizen and not born in the US (and don't say it's not possible because if they can revoke visas that were vetted and block entry for green-card carriers or people seeking REFUGE for health and/or political reasons then nothing is off limits). I know people who were on the verge of financial ruin because of major illness events like cancer who aren't working (so savings plans wouldn't work for them) and who need coverage for "preexisting conditions"; and I myself have preexisting conditions that worry me when thinking of the availability of healthcare to me. I have brothers and cousins and friends who would and have been unfairly targeted by "stop and frisk" laws that have been promised to return on a more widespread level. I have god-daughters who need to know that it's not okay to be treated unfairly as girls or inappropriately touched but we have a president who admits to doing so to women. Like I said, I take it personal.

And I wonder if MLK was the same. Did he take it personal? At what moment did he stop being pissed off in private and shift towards joining a public movement? What is that moment, that issue, that cause that drives someone from just being a part of the crowd to leading the crowd despite others telling them to be silent? Where is the line that is crossed that moves someone from church-going to church-BEing (doers and not just hearers of The Word)? And does speaking out take me out of line with the church? What makes someone like a Martin Luther King or Gandhi or Mother Theresa and the like use their voices with such grace and power and take that risk of being heard? What is the point that pushes them to action and out of a pray only and wait position? Those are the questions I ask myself as I struggle with all that has been going on and all that has been said. I am not a believer who thinks that every person we put in office must be Christian. If given a choice, I would vote for a non-Christian who has a humanitarian heart and whose actions reflect love and wisdom and global understanding over a mean Christian. I don't always vote party lines (much to some people's chagrin), and I certainly don't vote because someone is black or a woman like me. Perhaps that's just me. I'm smarter than that and I'm insulted when people assume otherwise.

I try not to be judgmental, but I know that I fail miserably as I think thoughts like how can we elevate a man whose actions and words say "I don't care about all people" and then tell people that they should "love God show that they love him through their love of others"? I don't understand and I have to repent often when my thoughts go in that judgmental direction. It's not mine to judge Trump's faith or relationship with God. But that's easier said than done and I can say that his political actions do not reflect my hopes and dreams for humanity regardless of religion. Period.

So what would Jesus have done? What would Jesus' Twitter feed and Facebook timeline look like? Would it be filled with pictures of kittens or of headlines? I'm not sure. I'm tryin to be like Jesus but definitely not there yet. What I know for sure is that I simply cannot be silent. I think about Esther and I believe that we are given a voice "for such a time as this". Hopefully we approach it with humility and grace. Hopefully we give room for all voices to be heard and not just our own. Hopefully we welcome counter-action and encourage reactions that don't match ours. Hopefully we are prayerful about the words that we use and the actions that we take. I know that's my goal. Before I hit "POST" on anything that may be politically charged you read, I've thought (and usually prayed) it out. And though my words may match the rhetoric of the press, I choose my own words...we just happen to agree (ex. I purposely chose the word "refugee" even though the executive order was for immigrants because I think of most immigrants as seeking refuge and know that that is the base definition of the word "refugee").

And then I go back to where I started...MLK. I was reminded in my times of prayer and reflection that, as an African American community, the church has been a central place of community action. I was reminded that we didn't have the luxury of position outside of the church so this "church leaders must be silent and just pray" ideology is simply not in line with my personal cultural understanding of life. To use the words that even Ivanka Trump quoted of Malcolm X "If not now, then when? If not me, then who?" Community action/humanitarian advocacy and religious understanding have been inextricably linked throughout the centuries. While I am not saying that D. Trump is Hitler or that his actions are as bad, I do know that silence from the church and much of the world outside of the church is how Hitler rose to power so craftily and how one man could change the direction of history for a whole people group one "small", "insignificant" order at a time. And, in retrospect to Hitler's regime, the great Holocaust survivor, Nobel Peace Prize winner Ellie Wiesel said "The opposite of love is not hate but indifference." And there are so many more...so many more great words by great people who have lived through points in history that we would all agree are charged with division and hatred. I just don't want to be indifferent. I don't want us to ignore history and fall into the same trap where we sit back and relax in our comfortable worlds.

And so it goes...my first response has been and will continue to be prayer because that's what God says it should be. (2 Chronicles 7:14) But even in this verse that we call upon we must remember to not ignore the part that says "turn"...there is ACTION that God calls us to. How we turn and what that looks like? I am not sure. So I'll continue to seek God's face and ask Him to give me wisdom before I speak, before I march, before I write and before I hit "POST" or "SUBMIT". I'm no MLK, but I do have a voice. I will call out bad behavior and try to make sure that my behavior isn't equally bad. I will challenge mean words and try to make sure that my words are not also mean. In all, I will try to honor God and use my voice with wisdom and boldness.

Thanks for reading.

Pastor Andrea

The Struggle Is Real

I could hear the nurses puttering around in the adjacent room as I waited for my appointment. My thumbs seemed to have a mind of their own --finding a rhythm of nervousness and twiddling away--until I couldn't take it any longer and asked her to tell me what the scale had read. I knew I didn't want to know, but I was like a month to a flame...I'm surprised I held out the five minutes I lasted. But as soon as the words were out of her mouth, I knew felt my heart plummet to the floor.

There had to be a mistake. She tried to console me saying it was likely a misread so we should take it again. And again I got hit with the cold, hard reality of failure. I knew I had gained weight (it was either that or I suddenly shrunk all of my clothes), but I didn't know it was THAT bad. How could I be HERE? How could I have crossed the imaginary line that I had made up in my head--the line between the weight that you are and the special weight that you've identified as "You Know You've Gone Too Far When"...the point in my brain that separated me from just being fat to morbidly obese. (To be clear, that number doesn't match the body mass index that doctors use because ...well...I obviously like to live disillusioned. Hey...we all have our flaws.) It's like I have a thinner woman trapped inside of me who is simply aching to get out. It's hard to preach to people about their issues when mine are staring them right in the face on my hips and thighs.

So today I crossed the line and it really didn't feel good. I cried in the doctor's office in frustration for what has proven to be a lifelong battle. And then somewhere in the middle of my supreme pout, I remembered God. I can admit that those first thoughts were more asking why I got the fat genes in the family and why others eat and eat and don't exercise and have metabolisms from heaven. Meanwhile I am dealing with everything from motivation issue to thyroid glitches and can't seem to catch a break. Woo woo woo...whoa is me and all that jazz. I'm a pastor but I'm also human. I'm a multidimensional missionary and truly still a work in progress.

Once I got past all of my vanity and self-righteousness, I began to remember that 'I war not against flesh and blood' and that there has to be a better way. Yes there are physical things I need to do, but it would stand to reason that if I can trust God with my soul, then my body should be a piece of cake to him. He's probably just waiting for me to turn it over once and for all to Him. He said we could bring it all to him.

Easier said than done, but I'm surely gonna try.

Blessings, MinD

My Hugutation

Several years ago, I went on a mission/vision trip to Lucknow, India with the express point of ministering to the Dalit people. If you know anything about the Indian caste system, then you know that the Dalit people are the lowest on the ladder. In fact, they are what some call "The Untouchables". These are people who have historically been cast aside and relegated to the dirtiest of jobs--handling trash, waste and blood products. They are bound by this cultural, sociological system that says they are nothing to God and therefore nothing to man.When I heard about them, all I wanted to do was fly across the world and hug.

Three Dalit girls I came across in Lucknow.

Now I realize that everyone doesn't want a hug, but it was in that moment that I began to see how much we (society, humanity) had allowed the enemy to steal something so precious and such a simple way of showing people the love of God through physical touch. Without being lascivious, there are hugs and human touch that simply about communicating the message "I care".

Then the other day, I sat in the room across from a momma and held her little girl's hand. As soon as I touched the little girl's hand, tears began to flow from her mother's eyes and sprung into the recesses of her own. She was about 8 years old and looked like any one of my god children... They had gone from doctor to doctor and heard the same answer--no. And we were no different. We couldn't give the girl the medical treatment that she was looking for, but I knew in that moment that I could give her something different--a touch.

You see, I've developed a bit of a reputation for being "that person". I'm the one who when you've had a bad day or you're missing home while here on the mission field or you simply realized that it's been days since anyone has touched you besides a hand shake who will reach out in bonafide, Christian love. There's no cost for what I give. No judgement. There's no malintent. I have no hidden sexual desire that I'm fulfilling. And I want nothing in return. The reason why I hug is because it's a simple way to bridge the gap and say "you matter". It's a simple way to put action to my words "Jesus loves you and so do I." It's a simple way to cross socioeconomic, geographic, gender, cultural lines and speak the same language of caring.

My kind of fun. This lady in Canada along
with her friends took a day in winter (when
people are depressed and lonely) to spread love
one hug at a time. Genius!

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm talking about my hugutation (hug+reputation). This week, someone confronted me about my hugs and tried to convince me to squash them. I can admit that I was saddened (and irritated) that a fellow Christian missionary would be so limited in how they thought about (appropriate) human touch. But I know that person isn't alone. Having been on the mission field now for almost a decade, I even understand the cross cultural dynamics of where this person was coming from. But, the truth is that we live in a world where the enemy has us so thoroughly convinced that all touch must be interpreted through the societal "naughty filter". But I choose to use a different filter to govern my actions--JESUS. I know that an appropriate hug on the right day can make all the difference in anyone's day. I may even have a T-Shirt printed that says "free hugs here" or a sign around my neck. But in the absence of those marketing tools, I'll just tell you: if you pass me in the street, and you're having a lousy day...reach out and maybe, just maybe, I'll be there to catch you. But if it's not me, then I hope that you'll pass a hug, a touch of simple care along to someone else you encounter who just needs their day to be boosted.

Be encouraged and don't be scared! God's love is bigger than the devils innuendo.

Blessings,
MinD

Lifting My Gag (Again)

I feel like I've failed.

No...not in the most conventional ways. I have had a lot of "success" in the 40 years that I've been on this earth. I've had a lot of moments to cherish. I've had a lot of opportunities for growth and better understanding and wisdom. I've been blessed beyond measure. So, why, in the middle of all of that can't I keep an appointment with myself to do 2 simple blogs? Yep...failure.

And then I read other blogs and I'm so impressed and so inspired and so...well you get the point. Here's my "reason" (a.k.a. excuse): I'm not usually sitting at a computer at those moments or it's not convenient. And I realize that I hate writing a blog on my mobile devices because I feel like I'm literally all thumbs and my fingers can't keep up with my brain like I do on a keyboard. So the inspiration comes and then I write off-line in this place or that and have good intentions to post "when I get a chance" but then the fire for the message dwindles. I begin to feel a gag sneak on my words/thoughts and I second guess whether anyone would even want to hear/read what I have to say until sleep comes upon me, a new day dawns, I look up and the whole idea is gone.

Such is the cycle of my writer's life.

And then today I was so convicted about my silence and had a revelation as I talked to a friend and read another inspiring blog. It's a serious revelation. You ready? This is BIG little stuff...seriously...wait for it...wait for it...I'M SCARED. I admit it (sorta). I'm one of those people who is filled with ideas, filled with motivation to start and often waylayed in trying to maintain and/or finish strong. I know it's just me (haha...suuuure...), so I'll just ask you to pray with me. Because, honestly, I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of allowing the enemy to win by making me self-conscious. I'm tired of feeling gagged by the enemy's lies...tired of feeling like there's stuff bubbling up inside of me just waiting to burst forward but then being too nervous to let it flow freely and with excellence and order and timeliness and commitment. If I am willy-nilly about my blogs, then you won't expect anything from me. You won't hold me to it. But I don't want that anymore. So I'm asking...no begging for accountability. I know I've been here before--where I try to get jump started again after my fears submerge my fingers. I could listen to the devil and throw in the towel and just say "forget it", but I was convicted today that God is a God of second, third...million chances. And so if there's a new opportunity to be obedient, to get closer to His Will, then I should reach out and grab it with gusto! I'm asking for you to reach out in email or comment and say "hey...we haven't heard from you in a while and you need to get on your job".

Because, in the end, it's not really my job that I need to get on. I need to remember it's not about me or being worried about what other people may think about what I have to say. In the end, it's God's business I need to be about. I feel like Jonah in the proverbial big fish running from this part of my call. All the rest of the stuff I've accepted with gusto and fervency. This side...not-so-much. So here I type...asking for your iron to sharpen my iron and help me in my quest for obedience.

Blessings,
MinD

Out Of The Boat & Then Back On...Go figure!

This weekend, my life shifted ever the more. Months ago I made a decision to take some time and apply to serve on Mercy Ships. After some time in the application process, I was approved and began the process of raising money and getting my life ready for this drastic shift. Though I'm still raising money, I have gone forward with full force. And so in this journey to be "water walking" out here on the water with Jesus

, I've found myself conveniently back on the boat...literally! 

It's all been very exciting. I arrived here in Pointe Noire, Congo a couple of days ago. I was worn out after 24+ hours of travel, but my heart was overflowing! We arrived under the cloak of darkness so it felt like Christmas morning the next day to get up and hurry to a window so I could see out. I've spent these few days getting acquainted and settling in and being somewhat overwhelmed by the potential of what can be done here.

When I made the decision to make this trip, it was at the prodding of the Holy Spirit yet again to make a move. I find myself in familiar yet unfamiliar territory. I'm sure you're wondering how that's possible. I'd say that I've almost become familiar with the idea that I'm out here on this faith walk and don't know much about what the end result will be. But the unfamiliarity comes in redefining myself. Over the last couple of months, I've had the pleasure to wander around and spend quality time with family and friends before making this trip. Inevitably the question that has continually come my way is "Where are you from?" and "What are you doing?" 

How is it possible that such simple questions could render me completely at a loss. People ask these questions because they help them to categorize you or find points of commonality. However, what happens when you can't articulate simple answers to such simple questions? I've come to that place in my life where I no longer identify with "where I'm from". I've come to say that 'I'm from here and there' or a child of the world. I sound like a hippie but it's how I feel. Perhaps if we were still in the 60's that's exactly what I'd be--a flower child. But in this day and age, it's unacceptable to not be able to say what you do and clearly help people know who you are. 

And so here I sit, on a boat on the dock in the Congo with the feeling that my life is changing with every little type of the keyboard. The shifts keep coming and I'm hanging in there. Perhaps I'll have a better answer soon to those self-defining questions...then again maybe I won't. But there's one thing I can say about this business of being out of this boat above all else: I'm surrounded with that immeasurable peace that surpasses understanding and I wouldn't trade that for the world. 

That's all for now!

Blessings,
MinD/PastorA

P.S. If you are interested in learning more about Mercy Ships or supporting my service (every dollar helps), you can visit my page at http://mercyships-us.donorpages.com/crewmates/AndreaDiallo.

New Perspective...

I was thinking of the decision to leave my job the last few days. Well...it's something I think of often and piece my decision apart to ensure that I heard God and made the right move. Though it's difficult for me to understand in the midst of my circumstances, I usually end my thoughts reassured. So when I encounter someone along my path who I tell if this journey, I'm not completely clueless as to why they have a difficult time understanding my choice. And then recently, I got a new perspective on the decision.

If our nation were at war, and I had made a decision to drop everything and fight in that war. Even if there were little to no pay involved, people would not struggle to understand. If that very war was a threat to my life--putting me in harm's way and risking death--people would consider me valiant. Even if my family despised the decision, the support of my nation and comrades would carry me through and reinforce the decision on a daily basis.

And so it is in ministry. I believe that there is a war between what's righteous and evil going on in this world. The Bible tells us we war against "powers and principalities". I believe that people's lives are at stake if we don't do the work to fight for them; and I took drastic measures to join the fight full time. I expect that some friends and family may begrudge the choice I've made, but I'm girded up on every side by comrades in the Kingdom who know the struggle and understand the necessity. I have people I can call when I'm thrown of by a tactical move made by the enemy or when I'm awed by the protection of my God.

I say all of this to say that if you don't have those type of comrades, you are fighting in the wrong unit. If you are floundering out there trying to justify your decision, I encourage you to start simply telling people you are a captain or general in battle for a secret operatives team. That will quiet them. In the end, you must follow after what GOD said and not what man fears.

Be encouraged and stay focused!
MinD

Radical Without Apology (Safe Ministry?!)

Yesterday, I began a service project doing a clean-up in a sketchy area of town all alone. I waited for a moment before beginning. However, it quickly became evident that those who signed up were not necessarily going to show up. I remembered that I had made a commitment to God that was without conditions. I didn't say to Him "I'll serve you if I have company." When I said "Yes" to Him, there was no caveat for "only when I can be assured that my life is not in danger." And so I kept my eyes open, the worship music lightly playing in my headphones and a prayer coming from my lips as I began to fill a bag with the liquor bottles and other trash that were evidence of a community that had begun to lost hope. And I prayed as I went that the power of God would overtake that place and that hope would be restored. And about 1/2 hour in, one of my co-laborers showed up. And about 1/2 hour after her, another pressed her way through sickness to fulfill her own personal promise to God. Not everyone showed up. There were no men in our Three-woman crew. But we watched and prayed as we cleaned and left feeling like we had really done something.

Later that day, I was confronted by the well-meaning words of a friend who, out of love, felt that I should have bailed and called it a day when no one showed up. Their good intentions sparked me to continue an internal debate that I have been having with myself for some time now. It's a debate that has been fueled by the loving suggestions of well-meaning friends and family, my own Type A desire to have things happen "just so", and by news reports that share the reality of the dangerous life of Christians around the world. The question centers around whether or not I should practice "safe" ministry.

In many ways that term "safe" seems at a complete odds with the word "ministry". When I read my Bible, I see story after story of people sticking out their necks for God. The three Hebrew boys in the book of Daniel didn't choose safety when they were faced with the fiery furnace (Daniel 3:19-25). Paul's entire life was one prison experience after another after he began living for Christ. And I've always felt a kinship to Queen Esther whose famous words were "if I perish, I perish!" (Esther 4:16) as she made a decision to do what was right for God. Furthermore, Christ is the ultimate example of one who came ready to sacrifice for what righteousness' sake. When I read The Great Commission in Matthew 28, I see where it says to 'go and make disciples and baptize folks' but I fail to note any follow-up verse that says "Only go to places you can control the safety. If you're a woman, be sure you're accompanied by a man. If you're sick, stay home in bed so you don't wear yourself out. If you're going to be alone, just cancel that trip and reschedule a new one." 

Am I missing something?! Do you see those words in the Bible somewhere? I know that we are told to use wisdom in all that we do. There is no question about that. Wisdom means being clear about being led by God and not by some adventurous/rebellious spirit. Wisdom means constantly praying. Wisdom means using as many resources as are available to you as long as they are not at the expense of doing ministry. However, I think that the Western Christian church has taken that to the extreme and act as though wisdom means protect yourself at all cost. We timidly act as though God is not THE God who is El Shaddai (God all mighty) and Jehovah Nissi (our banner)--able to protect and keep us in all situations according to His will. We have taken that as a license to limit ministry and, consequently, limit the potential to impact the world for God. But, the truth of Christianity is that we are called to die both in the spirit and flesh. We are called to a life of sacrifice and, if we are really trying to emulate CHRIST, then we take that calling to also include the potential to sacrifice our life for what we believe in. So it would seem that, instead of making decisions to cancel mission trips to war-torn, non-evangelized areas, churches around the U.S. should be rallying to focus their efforts on those areas where the hope of Christ is needed the most. Instead of talking about what we can't do, we need to live in the midst of the Truth that says that we can 'do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us' (Philippians 4:13).
  
I weep when I read reports of all of the men, women and children around the globe and throughout history who have been martyred for Christ. Trust me, I am not trying to be one of them. But, I am also not running scared from that possibility. In the Western world we have the luxury of choice when it comes down to it. We choose our level of commitment to God and to His Gospel based on our comfort and convenience: Church on Sundays and Wednesdays is fine, but don't challenge me to come out on a Saturday when it's cold or raining to clean or evangelize or simply encourage another human being out of my comfort zone...sigh...That's simply not okay with me. And so, I have ended the internal debate and have chosen to not be a wimpy Christian. I have decided to let nothing stop me from doing what I feel God says to do. When things happen, I want to be able to rest in the knowledge that they happened under God's watch and not because I wasn't obedient. I can't allow my gender or size or finances or anything else stop me from pursuing after God with a vengeance. I believe that God is looking for more people to step up out of the boat, step out into this big bad world and say, "If I perish, I perish." and then TRUST Him to cover them as they serve on His behalf. 

Hope you'll join me...

Blessings,
MinD

Nowhere Sea is Not for Punks!

It's been a while since I've posted and the reason was clear...I felt like I didn't have anything good to say. But today, I realized that I had allowed the enemy to silence me instead of celebrating whereever I am. So I figured I'd let you in on just where that is: just beyond the Bermuda Triangle in the Nowhere Sea.

Okay. Maybe I exaggerate a tad, but that's the feeling that I've had. What do you do when you feel like you were called to be one thing but life looks completely different. I am called to preach and I haven't been in a pulpit in months. I am called to publish books and I haven't finished the two that are "in progress" right now. I am called to travel the world evangelizing and my passport hasn't had a stamp almost two years. I believe I'm supposed to be married and I haven't had a serious relationship in over two years. I want to have kids and well...need to conquer that marriage thing first if at all possible. So yeah...here I am on the Nowhere Sea and it feel like this must be where people disappear to when they hit the Bermuda Triangle.

All I can say is, this water-walking deal is not for punks. Yes, I knew it would be hard, but I just couldn't imagine what it would feel like. It's one thing to be broke but to feel broken is whole other issue. It's one thing to be lost but to feel like a loser is a different story. It's one thing to fail but to feel like a failure takes a lot more energy. And speaking faith to yourself when those are the thoughts crossing your mind every hour is a full time job. Do you get it? If you could close your eyes and imagine yourself out in the middle of an ocean, standing on the water but not understanding how... That would be me. At times you look up and see ships passing by--friends and family on board living life--and you feel like you could just reach out and grab them but they are out of reach before you know it. That would be me. You hear God's voice but don't see Him and are trying to stay true to what He said. That would be me. You just don't know what is coming next or how life is going to work this week. That would definitely be me.

So I'm hanging in there and decided today that takes courage and that has got to be good enough...for now. Cuz I'M NO PUNK!

That is all.

MinD