Nowhere Sea is Not for Punks!

It's been a while since I've posted and the reason was clear...I felt like I didn't have anything good to say. But today, I realized that I had allowed the enemy to silence me instead of celebrating whereever I am. So I figured I'd let you in on just where that is: just beyond the Bermuda Triangle in the Nowhere Sea.

Okay. Maybe I exaggerate a tad, but that's the feeling that I've had. What do you do when you feel like you were called to be one thing but life looks completely different. I am called to preach and I haven't been in a pulpit in months. I am called to publish books and I haven't finished the two that are "in progress" right now. I am called to travel the world evangelizing and my passport hasn't had a stamp almost two years. I believe I'm supposed to be married and I haven't had a serious relationship in over two years. I want to have kids and well...need to conquer that marriage thing first if at all possible. So yeah...here I am on the Nowhere Sea and it feel like this must be where people disappear to when they hit the Bermuda Triangle.

All I can say is, this water-walking deal is not for punks. Yes, I knew it would be hard, but I just couldn't imagine what it would feel like. It's one thing to be broke but to feel broken is whole other issue. It's one thing to be lost but to feel like a loser is a different story. It's one thing to fail but to feel like a failure takes a lot more energy. And speaking faith to yourself when those are the thoughts crossing your mind every hour is a full time job. Do you get it? If you could close your eyes and imagine yourself out in the middle of an ocean, standing on the water but not understanding how... That would be me. At times you look up and see ships passing by--friends and family on board living life--and you feel like you could just reach out and grab them but they are out of reach before you know it. That would be me. You hear God's voice but don't see Him and are trying to stay true to what He said. That would be me. You just don't know what is coming next or how life is going to work this week. That would definitely be me.

So I'm hanging in there and decided today that takes courage and that has got to be good enough...for now. Cuz I'M NO PUNK!

That is all.

MinD

Blessings Along The Way

Midway through my morning walk, I decided to incorporate a bit of "simple service" into my route. I had walked a mile out and so on the mile back decided to use the small grocery bag I'd found in my pocket to pick up trash. It was my own mini-community clean up. The bag quickly filled to it's breaking point so I had to stop. However, on my last handful of trash with my gloved hand, I noticed something to the side of the discarded beer can I was picking up--a lone dollar bill.

I was immediately encouraged. The dollar may not go far in my struggling bank account, but it wasn't about the money. Some may have even left it on the ground because it was among the dirt and muck. However, those words on the back "In God We Trust" shouted at me to recognize the blessing that I had found along the way. The Lord sent this dollar to remind me of how there are blessings in the most unexpected places along life's route. When we focus on our surroundings and circumstances instead of doing the work God sent us to do (serving others and Him), we miss those small blessings around us that are the voice of God saying "I am still here.", "I have not forgotten you." and "You can trust Me."

I think that I will frame that dollar as a constant reminder of God's sweet blessings. If I could, I'd send you a framed dollar as well but that's not possible. What I can tell you is that He's still here, He hasn't forgotten you, and He's worthy of your trust. Take your eyes off your circumstance and get busy with His business and the blessings will truly overtake you.

Be encouraged!
--MinD

Don't Take It Personal...

Back in the day, there was this song...I can't even remember who sang it...but it has been coming to mind a lot t. It went a little something like this: "Don't take it personal. Take the bitter with the sweet. Easy come. Easy go." The last couple of weeks, that's what has been on my mind.

You see, it's easy for me to get really personally attached to everything that is going on in my life right now, INCLUDING business/ministry. These days, this IS my life. This is my focus. This is my baby. I've already pouted about how this walk on the water is definitely a lonely one, but what makes it more "interesting" is that nothing I'm doing is as important to anyone else as it is to me. I've gotten frustrated at times, wanting to shake the world and say "come on it's time!!!". But, I have to remember that nothing that God has given me is necessarily going to make or break someone else's life where it may just make or break mine. When you work for someone else, in another person's 'vineyard', it's easy to be somewhat detached to the process. We are all well-meaning in our volunteer and work efforts for others but can never be as invested as the person for whom this is their life.

That is an important thing for me to remember as things don't go the way I want or disappointments come my way or even as people decide not to be involved with me or my ministry. Though it's hard not to take it personal, it's a must. No matter what we go through in our lives, we have to remember that our walk with God is a personal one. A wise friend once told me that God gives US enough faith for what He's called us to do and not other people. So we can't be mad or astounded when they don't believe or connect at the level that we would like. Even in our personal lives, we can't be mad if our husbands, wives, friends, parents don't "get it" when we want to go a specific direction. We just have to trust that God will work on them enough to not hinder our process and so that they will instead enhance that which he's given us.

So, in the mean time, I'll continue humming that song..."Don't take it personal...take the bitter with the sweet..." because I truly understand that, though bitter comes, sweet is right around the corner!

Be encouraged!
--MinD

By the way, if you remember who that song was by...comment on this and let me know or it's gonna bug me all day! :)

The Personal Side of Water Walking Alone

I didn't think that this blog would end up being so personal and had originally no intention of talking about my love life, but I decided this week to let you in on the other side of this reality of walking the water. I figured this wouldn't be completely authentic without all sides. You see, I'm a single gal. Wanting to be married. No kids. Wanting to have kids. Getting older. Refuse to admit my clock may even have a tick in it. Dealing with the aftermath of failed relationships and all that goes with that...

So when I thought about doing this--walking into destiny, doing ministry, living for Jesus--I truly did not anticipate that I'd be doing it alone. In my dream of dreams I used to imagine galavanting around the world with a strong man who loves God as much as me and is willing to walk beside me on the water with both our eyes on Jesus. And while I know my walk towards God is in no way contingent on a husband and child, it's just not how I envisioned this season of my life going.

Some days I'm fine with it. Some days...not so much. Perhaps this was one of the weeks that it isn't quite making sense to do by myself. And I don't have the answers still. However, what I realized this week when I was talking to a potential new "friend" is that I am in a space where I've decided to focus more on HOPE than HURT. You see, water-walking has to be about hope in all sides of your life. If we're going to have a real conversation about faith, I can't just decide to share with you all about the areas of my life that conveniently fit into my professional/ministry corner. It can't be just about ministry.

Ministry is personal on all sides. As you decide to walk in faith you have to realize that you can't compartmentalize. So I encourage you to open up and walk with great HOPE and release all residue of HURTS that may hinder where you are going.

Blessings to ya!

Stay Out Of Your Way

The thought that comes to mind as I reflect on this week in the business of water-walking is the fact that I can only pray that I’m not getting in my own way. This will not be a long entry because of that. I was thinking about Lots’ wife in the book of Genesis. She wasn’t able to move forward because she looked back. I thought about Jonah whose detour into the belly of the fish was due to his own disobedience. I even think about some non-biblical examples of people I see in modern times like Whitney Houston or Tiger Woods who seem to have the world at their fingers but then do something that changes the trajectory of their blessings.

Driving down the street today, my prayer was simple, “Lord, please do not allow me to be the reason why I don’t make it to the next level.” 

A Long Way from Entitlement Rd. to Heavenly Blvd.

So the journey has taken a turn this week that I'm not particularly proud of--down the road of entitlement. In the midst of just trying to keep my head on straight, I found myself slipping into a dangerous space--the space of "I deserve". In my mind I started to self-righteously rationalize with God how I wasn't a bad person, how I was trying to please Him with my life, how though not perfect I hadn't been a ho (yes, I said it), how I wasn't a drug addict, how I gave to the poor and paid my tithes...the list went on and on and ended with my plea to God saying "so why is it that I don't have X, Y, or Z like all the other kids in the sandbox?"

My tantrum was one that only God could hear. You can fill in any number of things where those letters lie. Why don't I have a car that runs without announcing itself before I get there? Why don't I have the money to give ten times what I keep? Why am I the one who is single? Why don't I have kids? Why is my money funny and change strange? Why is it...Well you get the point.

I wish I could say that the Lord's answer was a swift "My bad" followed by His endowing me with those things. But instead I was reminded of the story of the rich young ruler in the New Testament. (He's been on my mind a lot lately as a matter of fact.) Jesus asked him to give all his earthly goods away and follow him in order to inherit eternal life. I started thinking of how we/Christians/I deserve NOTHING but that God's expectation is to give EVERYTHING. It doesn't make it any easier to swallow or make the desire for the car, house, man, child, money dissipate; but it does put it all in perspective.

At the end of the day, I can say that it's my heart's desire to not have my story end like the rich young ruler's did. I don't want it to be said of me that instead of giving all my temporal desires, I sacrificed my eternal rewards. So when you hear me coming in my "put put" car, you'll know that I surrendered to the fact that the call to hear 'well done' when it's all said is much greater than my desire to stay on Entitlement Road even though that's a long road to travel. At this point in my walk on this here water, all roads have got to lead away from entitlement to that Heavenly Boulevard where I know I'll find peace.

Pray for me as I pray for you.

Stop Resisting the Upgrade!

For months now, my computer has been putting up messages when I’d visit various internet sites telling me “we see that you’re using an outdated version of explorer and would recommend that you upgrade for maximum use of this site”. Inevitably, I would press the DECLINE button and proceed through the site—not knowing what I was missing. I was hesitant because sometimes upgrades in the past have made it virtually impossible for me to do some of the things I needed to do for school or work. I couldn’t take the risk during a busy season that something would crash. I didn’t want to take the time to go against any possible learning curve that may pop up should the upgrade be more than expected. So I muddled through. My browser was slow but I blamed it on my computer. Many evenings I would have an extra 20 minutes of “wait time” padded into a project to account for whatever time it would take for sites to load and me to maneuver around the Internet. Frustrated doesn’t do justice to the number of times I would have to “woo sah” and practice my deep breathing exercises while praying for the ability to be at peace while I waited.

Then the other night, I finally succumbed to the pressure and thought to myself, “why not?” Those things that were critical were no longer critical. If I had to learn new tricks, I would have time now. And so I pushed “ok” and stopped resisting the upgrade. To say that it was as if the clouds opened up and light began shining bright and birds singing may be a bit of an overstatement. However, it was darn close to that very experience.  I began surfing with great ease. The frustrations I had felt all fell away. I began kicking myself…wondering why it was that I had resisted the upgrade.

And the Lord began to deal with me today saying that I was being a baby is what it is and throwing a tantrum about change. Truly, change is usually something that I embrace. But I think that, in this season where change is all around me, I decided to hold tightly to one little thing that I felt I could control. It seemed like nothing, but that ‘nothing’ caused endless frustration and dissatisfaction. And the minute I was able to release that thing, I became invigorated and productive in the things that God has on my plate right now.

How often do we do that in life? Hold on to some piece of minutia in an effort to exert our control. We make silly choices to DECLINE the things that God brings our way that have the potential to open up a new world of productivity in Him. We shun people and walk away from meaningful friendships--disregarding those who don't seem to "fit" where we are right now. We close the door to potential opportunities with negative, resistant, closed-minded attitudes that just want to hold on to that last piece of "the way it used to be". Well let me be the one to tell you that today is a good day to STOP RESISTING and upgrade. Release control and allow God to transform your life even through the small things. Don’t delay!!!