Not Waiting For Heaven

I was talking to a friend today and something that she said really took me down my own spiritual rabbit trail. We were talking about favorite scriptures and she happened to mention that the first few verses of Psalm 27 were among her favorites. And while I agreed with her, I was silently reminded of one of my favorite parts of that psalm and it comes later down the line...verse 13 (lucky 13 I suppose). It says: 

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." 

And as I recited it out loud to her, I felt a bit of a nudge from the Lord reminding me of why I love this verse so much. It's no secret that times are hard for so many--both people I know and strangers across the land. Major hurricanes are threatening friends and family. Mud slides have killed hundreds. Friends have been disappointed, loved ones thinking of divorce, sickness plaguing bodies, friends of friends in hospice, poverty running rampant, political unrest and injustices, personal losses and so much more. It's been a tough season. 

But something keeps me going. It's a small word with a lot of power--HOPE. And it's not just the hope for the beauty of eternity in heaven, but hope for what I know we will see on this earth. I decided a long time ago that I was going to follow God with faith--not seeing or understanding what was coming but pressing through to the next step beyond the pain and beyond the darkness. And, at every turn I've been surprised and rewarded that on the other side of that tight space I've seen unexpected blessings. I don't do things for the blessing, but I do do them knowing that somewhere in this "land of the living" and not just when I'm surrounded by the heavenly host, I will experience joy, I will see goodness, I will see light...I will see God.

When I open my eyes and stop looking through the cloudy lens of my situation, I can see clearly to the fact that a spark of hope is still kindled in my spirit even on days when it isn't raging out of control like a forest fire. And what's so comforting in that is a little bit of hope goes a long way. 

It's been a while since I've written a prayer point, but this evening my fingers were itching to send this to you...yes YOU. I wanted to remind you that no matter what you are going through and what you see around you, know that there's still hope. Grab on to what little bit you can  find and ride through to the storm because a rainbow is sure to come.

Be encouraged,
Pastor Andrea

With All Due Respect: Race Doesn't Matter...until it does...It's Not About Religion...until it is

It's been a while since I've written a blog. In fact, I logged in to write this and found a draft with a similar subject header already in process and thought it appropriate to keep. I say that to say that these matters I'm about to discuss run deep and are not about one administration but about some deep-reaching heart matters that keep resurfacing. Since it's bubbling in my heart for some time, it's also a long blog so yeah...just a heads up...

You see, Martin Luther King, Jr has been on my mind quite a bit the last few weeks--and not just because it was his birthday in January. No. That isn't it. You see, I've seen a lot of posts on social media and heard several people saying that, in essence, they wish that people would stop talking about the challenges of our new administration. On my own posts (which have expressed sadness, fury and confusion), I've gotten a mixture of responses--some wishing I would stop stirring the pot of conversation, others saying that I'm "spewing rhetoric", some challenging my sources or ability to think for myself beyond mainstream media, some saying we just need to pray and some in agreement with my sentiments/words. It's been interesting to see/read to say the least and I've watched the comments, trying not to be offended, and relishing in the engagement of people to say and discuss that which they are passionate about. I guess I could delete people's comments from my page who I don't agree with, but what good is that? Where is there freedom if not in the exchange of thought--including the room to disagree? And so, I don't usually engage in debate. I state my opinion. Beyond that, my thought is a reader can do with that what they want (as long as they're not completely rude). It's not my job to convince anyone of my point of view but it is my job to speak...but wait...I'm getting ahead of myself.

Back to Martin Luther King, Jr. The thought I had rolling around in my head the last few weeks was more of a set of questions: What if he (and the others who served with him) remained silent? What if he decided not to "stir the pot"? What if, as a pastor, he chose to only pray? What if he only took a "wait and see" stance and hoped for the best? Where would we be? And I wonder the age-old question WWJD...What would Jesus do?

People have argued that it's not about religion or that it's not about race, but I would argue to the contrary based on what I've seen and heard over the last couple of years and, in particular, the last few weeks. IT (whatever it is that has come up) usually is about that very thing that people are so scared to label it as. I've watched and listened as people have even challenged my Christian responsibility as a pastor and leader, suggesting that I NOT say things that incite debate or division. What I know to be true is that my words are not meant to incite division though they may highlight and expose a division that is already there. I sometimes want to scream "Where have YOU been living???!" at comments from people who say this wasn't like this before. No. It just wasn't public. It's as if people assume that when the Civil Rights Act passed or Ms. Magazine was published suddenly all was right with the world. It is America's well/not-so-well-camouflaged dirty little secret that the Land of the Free has an addendum to that statement that says "land of the free FOR SOME". Don't get me wrong. I love being an American, but we are definitely still a work in progress. Having a conversation in which there is not agreement but there is a respectful exchange of thought and emotion is not contrary to my Christian belief. Even Jesus in his meekness and humility was not a complete pacifist. He didn't avoid conversation with those who challenged him. He merely spoke truth and kept it moving. He challenged people to challenge their own thoughts and beliefs. He didn't argue with people. He didn't debate. But He did not remain silent. Paul, the writer of much of the New Testament, called people out left and right about how their actions did or did not match up with true Christian thought. He guided people in action and in word. He did not remain silent.

My name is Andrea and I am a non-American born, black, female, Christian, American pastor who has a voice. Like every person in this world with a voice (and any number of social media accounts), I have influence. I know my influence. I have authority in Christ and I have small amounts of influence with my words and photographs. So it becomes my choice how I want to use that voice and that influence. Making statements that clearly say "I'm angry" or "I don't agree" don't say "You should be angry" or "You should agree with me" but they do start a conversation. I'm human. I would love for everyone to agree with me or at least hear me and not make me want to cringe with their responses; but what I want more than agreement is for learning and challenging and understanding to go forward. That leaves room for me to be wrong as well as others or for us to decide that "it's not wrong, it's just different".

However I can't lie (or provide an "alternate fact" should I say?), I was having a hard time understanding how people voted for D. Trump and how he became our 45th President. Overall, grace covers them and me in this journey. I'm not one of those people who would begrudge him his win or say that it should be revoked. I didn't call for a recount. I believe in the democratic process and am not tied to my team "winning". Though my opinion of him is not high (to say the least) and I've publicly said as much, he is my president. I do pray for him in positive ways and strive to serve him that way--through prayer. But I also call him to the service he was elected to serve me and not just the interests of a particular group. And so I have to pray even for myself and others like me that we will be proven wrong in our opinions, and he'll serve the greater American good. However, that doesn't mean I don't still struggle to understand. I can't help but remark about things that don't make sense to me (like "alternate facts" and someone with an approved green card being turned away from the country in the airport). Me writing and sharing this shows my struggle and hope to be understood.

I don't understand how we tell our kids not to bully and then give a bully the highest office in US government; or how anyone says that acts that HE SAID were continuations of his campaign promises to shut out Muslims are not religious because he wisely/tactfully/craftily/sneakily made a plan that didn't say that outright because that wouldn't be legal (like someone who figures out how to simply get what they want without breaking the law...is that ethical and right even if it's legal???); or how we can be humanitarians who would go to the ends of the earth to help people but are ultimately more concerned about our bank accounts (yes...us having to spend more money) than our neighbor up the street's ability to get and maintain healthcare and live above the poverty lines; or how someone can say that a person who generalized a whole group of non-white people from a specific place as rapists and murderers is not in any way racist and that I (a non-white person) can trust him fully to govern me and a country of all races with a just hand; or how we look at misogynist statements he made only a few years ago as "old news" and think that his groping hands have been reformed and that he thinks highly of women despite his past words and behavior? I just don't understand. I know that people said they voted for him despite these atrocities and as retaliation to injustices they have felt under the previous administration. But, I've struggled to reconcile that my friends who I respect, like, and love (still do) of all races and religious backgrounds and careers chose that over anything else.

I struggle because I take what he has said and who he has been in the past personally. VERY PERSONALLY. And so my bigger struggle is reconciling how you can like and support him and still like and support me? Is it even possible? Is it possible to say to someone "I love you" but then put someone in office who has the potential to completely ruin me personally? I come from a family of immigrants for whom the immigration process is still a relevant part of our lives--not like we just immigrated back in 1900 and then it's over but like today who have stakes in this immigration game. I'd like to know that my father is not in danger of being stopped at the borders because of his faith or the fact that he is a naturalized citizen and not born in the US (and don't say it's not possible because if they can revoke visas that were vetted and block entry for green-card carriers or people seeking REFUGE for health and/or political reasons then nothing is off limits). I know people who were on the verge of financial ruin because of major illness events like cancer who aren't working (so savings plans wouldn't work for them) and who need coverage for "preexisting conditions"; and I myself have preexisting conditions that worry me when thinking of the availability of healthcare to me. I have brothers and cousins and friends who would and have been unfairly targeted by "stop and frisk" laws that have been promised to return on a more widespread level. I have god-daughters who need to know that it's not okay to be treated unfairly as girls or inappropriately touched but we have a president who admits to doing so to women. Like I said, I take it personal.

And I wonder if MLK was the same. Did he take it personal? At what moment did he stop being pissed off in private and shift towards joining a public movement? What is that moment, that issue, that cause that drives someone from just being a part of the crowd to leading the crowd despite others telling them to be silent? Where is the line that is crossed that moves someone from church-going to church-BEing (doers and not just hearers of The Word)? And does speaking out take me out of line with the church? What makes someone like a Martin Luther King or Gandhi or Mother Theresa and the like use their voices with such grace and power and take that risk of being heard? What is the point that pushes them to action and out of a pray only and wait position? Those are the questions I ask myself as I struggle with all that has been going on and all that has been said. I am not a believer who thinks that every person we put in office must be Christian. If given a choice, I would vote for a non-Christian who has a humanitarian heart and whose actions reflect love and wisdom and global understanding over a mean Christian. I don't always vote party lines (much to some people's chagrin), and I certainly don't vote because someone is black or a woman like me. Perhaps that's just me. I'm smarter than that and I'm insulted when people assume otherwise.

I try not to be judgmental, but I know that I fail miserably as I think thoughts like how can we elevate a man whose actions and words say "I don't care about all people" and then tell people that they should "love God show that they love him through their love of others"? I don't understand and I have to repent often when my thoughts go in that judgmental direction. It's not mine to judge Trump's faith or relationship with God. But that's easier said than done and I can say that his political actions do not reflect my hopes and dreams for humanity regardless of religion. Period.

So what would Jesus have done? What would Jesus' Twitter feed and Facebook timeline look like? Would it be filled with pictures of kittens or of headlines? I'm not sure. I'm tryin to be like Jesus but definitely not there yet. What I know for sure is that I simply cannot be silent. I think about Esther and I believe that we are given a voice "for such a time as this". Hopefully we approach it with humility and grace. Hopefully we give room for all voices to be heard and not just our own. Hopefully we welcome counter-action and encourage reactions that don't match ours. Hopefully we are prayerful about the words that we use and the actions that we take. I know that's my goal. Before I hit "POST" on anything that may be politically charged you read, I've thought (and usually prayed) it out. And though my words may match the rhetoric of the press, I choose my own words...we just happen to agree (ex. I purposely chose the word "refugee" even though the executive order was for immigrants because I think of most immigrants as seeking refuge and know that that is the base definition of the word "refugee").

And then I go back to where I started...MLK. I was reminded in my times of prayer and reflection that, as an African American community, the church has been a central place of community action. I was reminded that we didn't have the luxury of position outside of the church so this "church leaders must be silent and just pray" ideology is simply not in line with my personal cultural understanding of life. To use the words that even Ivanka Trump quoted of Malcolm X "If not now, then when? If not me, then who?" Community action/humanitarian advocacy and religious understanding have been inextricably linked throughout the centuries. While I am not saying that D. Trump is Hitler or that his actions are as bad, I do know that silence from the church and much of the world outside of the church is how Hitler rose to power so craftily and how one man could change the direction of history for a whole people group one "small", "insignificant" order at a time. And, in retrospect to Hitler's regime, the great Holocaust survivor, Nobel Peace Prize winner Ellie Wiesel said "The opposite of love is not hate but indifference." And there are so many more...so many more great words by great people who have lived through points in history that we would all agree are charged with division and hatred. I just don't want to be indifferent. I don't want us to ignore history and fall into the same trap where we sit back and relax in our comfortable worlds.

And so it goes...my first response has been and will continue to be prayer because that's what God says it should be. (2 Chronicles 7:14) But even in this verse that we call upon we must remember to not ignore the part that says "turn"...there is ACTION that God calls us to. How we turn and what that looks like? I am not sure. So I'll continue to seek God's face and ask Him to give me wisdom before I speak, before I march, before I write and before I hit "POST" or "SUBMIT". I'm no MLK, but I do have a voice. I will call out bad behavior and try to make sure that my behavior isn't equally bad. I will challenge mean words and try to make sure that my words are not also mean. In all, I will try to honor God and use my voice with wisdom and boldness.

Thanks for reading.

Pastor Andrea

Above Reproach

Those dreaded words came my way: "We need to talk." They are four of the most daunting words put together in the English language. And it's funny to me (and sad to an extent) that they have caused me so many moments of unrest. I realized as I was sitting here that the reason that I hadn't been able to rest is that I have failed... The scripture in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 says that an overseer is to be "above reproach", and as I made a mental list of all the things I had done right or wrong in the past couple of weeks, I realized that it was not me.

Now I'm not talking about big things, but I'm talking about those areas of life where you know you are just shy of right--where your attitude could've been a little smoother or you could've done better to ensure that you presented no appearance of evil. How many of those things do we have in our lives? How many times are those the things that potentially hold us back? As I anticipate whatever it is that the person may have to tell me, I have been driven to a point of reflection and repentance and felt led to write about it.

I'm not sure who will read this or where you are, but I want to be clear that you have an opportunity to move forward in a way that is "above reproach" from this point forward. You can make a decision to reflect God in ways that only showcase just how wonderful He is. Don't sit here and condemn yourself for what has been done. Move forward today in integrity and self-control know that the grace of God has helped to heal whatever has been done in the past.

Be blessed,
MinD

i melted...

I've started to write this blog over and over again. I suppose that it's very telling that the topic that's been on my heart has also been what has kept me from writing. Today, I've decided to conquer my fears and insecurities...so here goes...

Last week, I found myself in tears. I wanted to scream out "I'm melting!!!" Now, I'm sure that there are a myriad of reasons that may have been so. Perhaps my hormones were amiss. Or maybe the heat was pounding my skull just so. However, no matter the reason, I found myself walking quickly to get to the safe haven of a closed room with a friend so that I could just let 'er rip. What's interesting about the conversation I'm having here with you is that I consider myself to be a pretty confident person. The truth is that I'm confident in my abilities but not always my self. I know what I know and don't know. I know what I can and can't do. I know who God says that I am and what I'm called to do. I even know how He looks at me. But, in that moment last week, when the tears threatened to drown me, I was sure that none of that mattered. Though there was a trigger, it wasn't one person or situation that was truly behind the flood.

I don't know how to say it except to say it. What I do as a minister of God...what I did before I came to Mercy Ships and what I will do long after I'm gone...it's personal. A lot of people can say that their job is their job and then home and spiritual and friends are their personal space. You may get upset at work with your boss and be pissed off with a coworker, but then you go home and your wife makes you dinner or your friends go to the movies with you and it's forgotten (at least until you head back to work). That's not always possible when what you do encompasses your home, your spiritual life, your friendships... That's hard enough when you're a leader at the same church you attend and find your friendships. Setting healthy boundaries becomes one of the bigger challenges for many pastors and leaders. I remember standing in service with my hands lifted high, in the midst of worship, tears running down my face and crying out to God when someone tapped me on my shoulder and asked me to help them in the back office with something administrative (I think it was the copy machine was jammed). I was furious that day! It became a symbol for how I knew many people would see me moving forward. And here on a ship...well...sigh...yeah...that's often a challenge. In fact it's magnified. You get the best and the worst of both worlds. You have people that want to talk to you at all hours of the day and night (which is fine to a certain extent since that's sort of what we're here for...to a certain extent) and then you have the many people who are very guarded around you because they are uncertain about who you'll tell or if you can be trusted so they won't even have real friendship-bearing conversations.

So yeah...it's personal. I'm sure you know that this task of water walking is not easy. Because at the end of the day, it makes for a lonely life at times and makes me doubt myself, my likability (and let's face it we all want to be liked)...and wonder how on earth the Lord called me this broken, boo-hooin' mess to care for his people. Now, I know I'm not special. I'm just telling my tale. There are many victorious and fulfilling sides to serving on the mission field. But there are challenges too. There are plenty of people who could give you the same story--particularly here on this ship we call work, home, life...the lines get crossed so often. There is the doctor who gets asked medical questions in the dining room, the nurse who gets asked to look at a rash while drinking coffee on her break, the human resources person who gets asked about vacation time when they are about to leave on their own days off, the mechanic who gets asked "what's that sound" when they are about to take their wife on a date, the teacher that gets asked to correct something when reading a book at Starbucks and so on... We all have the space to fuss and complain about how our world seems to bleed together. Today's just my day because I melted last week.

I felt compelled to share because maybe you melted last week too. Or perhaps you're on the verge of a meltdown. What I felt the Lord say to my spirit as I finished drying up my tears was that I was "allowing doubts to erode away my confidence". At the end of the day, the responsibility for healthy boundaries is ours. Saying "no" or "can we talk about that tomorrow during business hours" seems like the most irrational thing for a missionary to do. And sometimes things cannot wait or should not wait. But then there are the times when we do need to draw lines and we do need to set ourselves up for greater health and effectiveness. When we allow ourselves to get run down and pulled from all ends, those are the moments that we give the enemy the most room to infuse that doubt that puts chinks in our "whole armor of God". When we try to make like the Energizer bunny and keep going and going and going, our fatigue becomes a foothold for the devil and his imps to whisper words of discouragement in our ears.

I'm not writing this so that people will write back and encourage me. No...I can truly say that I made it to "the other side of through" because of God's grace and because of the angels he sends my way. Today, I want to encourage you that if the melt down is coming...find a friend, a chaplain, a pastor...someone who can stand in the midst of the puddle with you like I did. Find someone who will speak life while you melt and help you clean up the puddle once the tears have dried. The person I cried to, sent me the picture above. You need to have someone who will send you pictures and read you scripture and pour back into you once you've poured out. Whether your mission field is in a foreign country or in the home you were born and raised in, know that you are not alone and that God called you (yes you...broken, melted mess that you are...) because in your weakness, HE is made strong.

Be encouraged in this day to draw good boundaries and when all else fails...feel free to melt...

Blessings,
MinisterD

The Struggle Is Real

I could hear the nurses puttering around in the adjacent room as I waited for my appointment. My thumbs seemed to have a mind of their own --finding a rhythm of nervousness and twiddling away--until I couldn't take it any longer and asked her to tell me what the scale had read. I knew I didn't want to know, but I was like a month to a flame...I'm surprised I held out the five minutes I lasted. But as soon as the words were out of her mouth, I knew felt my heart plummet to the floor.

There had to be a mistake. She tried to console me saying it was likely a misread so we should take it again. And again I got hit with the cold, hard reality of failure. I knew I had gained weight (it was either that or I suddenly shrunk all of my clothes), but I didn't know it was THAT bad. How could I be HERE? How could I have crossed the imaginary line that I had made up in my head--the line between the weight that you are and the special weight that you've identified as "You Know You've Gone Too Far When"...the point in my brain that separated me from just being fat to morbidly obese. (To be clear, that number doesn't match the body mass index that doctors use because ...well...I obviously like to live disillusioned. Hey...we all have our flaws.) It's like I have a thinner woman trapped inside of me who is simply aching to get out. It's hard to preach to people about their issues when mine are staring them right in the face on my hips and thighs.

So today I crossed the line and it really didn't feel good. I cried in the doctor's office in frustration for what has proven to be a lifelong battle. And then somewhere in the middle of my supreme pout, I remembered God. I can admit that those first thoughts were more asking why I got the fat genes in the family and why others eat and eat and don't exercise and have metabolisms from heaven. Meanwhile I am dealing with everything from motivation issue to thyroid glitches and can't seem to catch a break. Woo woo woo...whoa is me and all that jazz. I'm a pastor but I'm also human. I'm a multidimensional missionary and truly still a work in progress.

Once I got past all of my vanity and self-righteousness, I began to remember that 'I war not against flesh and blood' and that there has to be a better way. Yes there are physical things I need to do, but it would stand to reason that if I can trust God with my soul, then my body should be a piece of cake to him. He's probably just waiting for me to turn it over once and for all to Him. He said we could bring it all to him.

Easier said than done, but I'm surely gonna try.

Blessings, MinD

Spoiled

I had originally prepared another thought to share but am taking a detour and will revisit that one shortly. I couldn't let this day of Thanksgiving go by unmentioned. You see, being away from the U.S. for the past two Thanksgiving days has always lent a small twinge to the beating of my heart. However, God faithfully surrounds me with so much that I have to be grateful for that I end up feeling such great peace. Today was no different. The day began with a long bus ride through the countryside of Madagascar to visit my aunt for the long weekend. And, though Thanksgiving is COMPLETELY and American holiday, I was beside myself to see how much she had gone to great lengths to make this a holiday to remember. Her closest family friends came to eat and welcome me. And at the end of the day, I am simply overwhelmed with gratitude. She even made turkey "Malagasy" style. My friend who was with me told me I am spoiled. And all I could do was say "yes I am spoiled with love..." So as I begin to bring this day to a close, I wanted to say thank you for reading and indulging my random thoughts every now and again. It us my prayer that on this day, you feel spoiled today with the love of Christ. Happy Thanksgiving! with love, PastorA

What Would Thin Be Like? And Other Silly Thoughts In Serious Times

I'm thinking of writing another book. This one could be entitled What Would Thin Be Like? And Other Silly Thoughts In Serious Times. Yes, you read right. While other people's blogs (especially my fellow friends here on Mercy Ships) detail the ups and downs of missionary work, the plight of the poor, and the trials of the world, the simple side of my mind turns to randomness. Something must be done.

I really want to be one of those ultra-serious people. I don't want to have to convince people that I hold two master's degrees and have a couple of pennies of sense rattling around in my brain. I want people to just know it. I want to exude intelligence and maturity, but instead I often feel like my silliness makes me seem much younger than my forty years (and not in a good way). I'm sure Mother Teresa didn't get shocked looks once people found out she got the Nobel Prize. It simply made sense that she should get it.

But when I think about the person I would like to be--loving people like Mother Teresa, sacrificing like Esther, evangelizing people like Billy Graham, forgiving people like Nelson Mandela, inspiring people like Ghandi, charming people like Oprah, praying like Paul, and basically fully embodying Jesus--I can only think of silliness. I wonder if I'm thin enough, smart enough, educated enough...am I enough? All of my insecurities shine through and I wonder silly things like "what would it be like to be thin or if my head was on the body of someone like Gabrielle Union?"

No matter how many letters there are behind my name, what I haven't accomplished shines through. No matter how many times I've stepped out on faith, I consider the opportunities I may have missed when I was scared. No matter how many people I've showed love to, I worry about those who I fell short with. Even in the midst of serving God in this wonderful way on the mission field, I feel like I should always be doing or being more. Serious people do more, right? ...Or so I ask myself. I mean, why haven't I personally found the cure to the Ebola crisis in West Africa by now? Ludicrous, right? It's funny how no matter where you go, your stuff goes with you. Every insecurity and every ... I find myself wondering how it is that no matter how much you work on it, those things seem to surface at the most inopportune times.

But, at the end of the day, I was reminded that I am, indeed enough. A fellow minister was interviewing me and asked me about the book(s) that I felt every minister should read (beyond the Bible). I sat there stumped as I looked at him, and all those insecurities began to surface again as I drew a blank. I thought of how no one would ever believe that I graduated from seminary if I don't come up with acceptable answers to the question and begin quoting A.W. Tozier, D. Willard or the like. And then an overwhelming peace came over me as I realized that I was not them and that God didn't make a mistake. I really felt the reality of what Psalm 139 says when it talks about being 'fearfully and wonderfully made and having your soul know it well.' While serious things can be important, God has gifted me with a joy that simply flows over and may seem silly to most. So my soul kicked in and reminded me that I don't have to prove my intelligence or commitment to all things serious. My soul kicked in and reminded me that the greatest job that I have is to love and do so in my own skin with my own silliness and my own style.

Now this knowing won't stop the occasional return of the my-head-on-actress-body thoughts or wondering how I can do more to heal the world. It's those random thoughts that fuel the passion of great people to do great things. Perhaps I'll finally get healthier and have my body be a living reflection of God's deliverance from our vices (like chocolate) or maybe I'll even stumble across a cure for HIV/AIDS in my spare time. Who knows? But for now, all this silliness in these serious times is enough for God and so it's enough for me.

Pieces Coming Together

There is a guy from Sierra Leone on the ship who part of his job is to regulate the chemicals in the water and make sure that we have safe drinking water aboard the ship. And there's the Dutch young man serving as a barista in the Starbucks who always has a smile for everyone who goes by. We all sleep more comfortably knowing that our Romanian friend is busy ensuring that the HVAC units are running well. And then there's a lady from Liberia whose primary function is to bake the bread...well acutally ANY baked goods served on the ship and a young lady from Australia who serves as our preschool teacher. Or how about the Canadian girl who spends time making sure that each of the nurses feels safe in their job and gets appropriate professional feedback? You almost never see the Ghanaian woman who works with the department that provides all training to staff from Microsoft to management and more. If you look really closely, you'll probably catch an English woman or a Malagasy young man mopping and shuffling through the halls--ensuring the cleanliness of the ship. Finally, you cannot forget the young guy from Panama who helps steer the ship and keep us safe.

In all, there are over 40 nations represented on the Africa Mercy. Over 400 people at once and 1200 in the course of a field service that make our little world go round. I guess I just was thinking of the fact that I rarely talk about them. We, as an organization, have a mission to reach the poorest of the poor with a specific method--through surgeries. So much of the focus is on the men, women and children whose lives are forever changed because of the expertise of our surgeons, nurses, and other medical crew. But most of the world probably doesn't begin to realize what it takes to bring that hope and healing to pass. Without clean water and smiles at break-time, without controlled air or adept computer training, surgeries do not happen.

This week, we began surgeries for this new field service. It was a monumental day filled with a lot of energy on the ship. We are so proud of all of the ways we are able to serve God. We are so excited to get to use every gift that we have for His glory. We are so blessed by all of the ways that God's light can be shown to the world. So today I just had to take a moment to praise God for all of the pieces of our little puzzle coming together. Yep...I'm happy to be here.

Blessings,
MinD

My Hugutation

Several years ago, I went on a mission/vision trip to Lucknow, India with the express point of ministering to the Dalit people. If you know anything about the Indian caste system, then you know that the Dalit people are the lowest on the ladder. In fact, they are what some call "The Untouchables". These are people who have historically been cast aside and relegated to the dirtiest of jobs--handling trash, waste and blood products. They are bound by this cultural, sociological system that says they are nothing to God and therefore nothing to man.When I heard about them, all I wanted to do was fly across the world and hug.

Three Dalit girls I came across in Lucknow.

Now I realize that everyone doesn't want a hug, but it was in that moment that I began to see how much we (society, humanity) had allowed the enemy to steal something so precious and such a simple way of showing people the love of God through physical touch. Without being lascivious, there are hugs and human touch that simply about communicating the message "I care".

Then the other day, I sat in the room across from a momma and held her little girl's hand. As soon as I touched the little girl's hand, tears began to flow from her mother's eyes and sprung into the recesses of her own. She was about 8 years old and looked like any one of my god children... They had gone from doctor to doctor and heard the same answer--no. And we were no different. We couldn't give the girl the medical treatment that she was looking for, but I knew in that moment that I could give her something different--a touch.

You see, I've developed a bit of a reputation for being "that person". I'm the one who when you've had a bad day or you're missing home while here on the mission field or you simply realized that it's been days since anyone has touched you besides a hand shake who will reach out in bonafide, Christian love. There's no cost for what I give. No judgement. There's no malintent. I have no hidden sexual desire that I'm fulfilling. And I want nothing in return. The reason why I hug is because it's a simple way to bridge the gap and say "you matter". It's a simple way to put action to my words "Jesus loves you and so do I." It's a simple way to cross socioeconomic, geographic, gender, cultural lines and speak the same language of caring.

My kind of fun. This lady in Canada along
with her friends took a day in winter (when
people are depressed and lonely) to spread love
one hug at a time. Genius!

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm talking about my hugutation (hug+reputation). This week, someone confronted me about my hugs and tried to convince me to squash them. I can admit that I was saddened (and irritated) that a fellow Christian missionary would be so limited in how they thought about (appropriate) human touch. But I know that person isn't alone. Having been on the mission field now for almost a decade, I even understand the cross cultural dynamics of where this person was coming from. But, the truth is that we live in a world where the enemy has us so thoroughly convinced that all touch must be interpreted through the societal "naughty filter". But I choose to use a different filter to govern my actions--JESUS. I know that an appropriate hug on the right day can make all the difference in anyone's day. I may even have a T-Shirt printed that says "free hugs here" or a sign around my neck. But in the absence of those marketing tools, I'll just tell you: if you pass me in the street, and you're having a lousy day...reach out and maybe, just maybe, I'll be there to catch you. But if it's not me, then I hope that you'll pass a hug, a touch of simple care along to someone else you encounter who just needs their day to be boosted.

Be encouraged and don't be scared! God's love is bigger than the devils innuendo.

Blessings,
MinD

Lifting My Gag (Again)

I feel like I've failed.

No...not in the most conventional ways. I have had a lot of "success" in the 40 years that I've been on this earth. I've had a lot of moments to cherish. I've had a lot of opportunities for growth and better understanding and wisdom. I've been blessed beyond measure. So, why, in the middle of all of that can't I keep an appointment with myself to do 2 simple blogs? Yep...failure.

And then I read other blogs and I'm so impressed and so inspired and so...well you get the point. Here's my "reason" (a.k.a. excuse): I'm not usually sitting at a computer at those moments or it's not convenient. And I realize that I hate writing a blog on my mobile devices because I feel like I'm literally all thumbs and my fingers can't keep up with my brain like I do on a keyboard. So the inspiration comes and then I write off-line in this place or that and have good intentions to post "when I get a chance" but then the fire for the message dwindles. I begin to feel a gag sneak on my words/thoughts and I second guess whether anyone would even want to hear/read what I have to say until sleep comes upon me, a new day dawns, I look up and the whole idea is gone.

Such is the cycle of my writer's life.

And then today I was so convicted about my silence and had a revelation as I talked to a friend and read another inspiring blog. It's a serious revelation. You ready? This is BIG little stuff...seriously...wait for it...wait for it...I'M SCARED. I admit it (sorta). I'm one of those people who is filled with ideas, filled with motivation to start and often waylayed in trying to maintain and/or finish strong. I know it's just me (haha...suuuure...), so I'll just ask you to pray with me. Because, honestly, I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of allowing the enemy to win by making me self-conscious. I'm tired of feeling gagged by the enemy's lies...tired of feeling like there's stuff bubbling up inside of me just waiting to burst forward but then being too nervous to let it flow freely and with excellence and order and timeliness and commitment. If I am willy-nilly about my blogs, then you won't expect anything from me. You won't hold me to it. But I don't want that anymore. So I'm asking...no begging for accountability. I know I've been here before--where I try to get jump started again after my fears submerge my fingers. I could listen to the devil and throw in the towel and just say "forget it", but I was convicted today that God is a God of second, third...million chances. And so if there's a new opportunity to be obedient, to get closer to His Will, then I should reach out and grab it with gusto! I'm asking for you to reach out in email or comment and say "hey...we haven't heard from you in a while and you need to get on your job".

Because, in the end, it's not really my job that I need to get on. I need to remember it's not about me or being worried about what other people may think about what I have to say. In the end, it's God's business I need to be about. I feel like Jonah in the proverbial big fish running from this part of my call. All the rest of the stuff I've accepted with gusto and fervency. This side...not-so-much. So here I type...asking for your iron to sharpen my iron and help me in my quest for obedience.

Blessings,
MinD

Sounding Crazy But Oh So Satisfied

I've really been reflecting on just how ludicrous I sound when I tell people what it is that I'm doing. Most people can get excited when I tell them that I'm volunteering. They even get behind the idea of doing missions. And for those who have heard of Mercy Ships then it's another step in the right direction for them...that is until you explain that Mercy Ships is a purely volunteer mission. No matter how long you stay, each and every volunteer employee pays his/her way. Can you imagine?! It even sounds foreign to my own ears when I repeat it out loud. Who does this?!

Then I remember that I do. There are so many parts of my journey that have been challenging. Relationships have come and gone. I'm still waiting on Mr. Right to sweep me off my feet. Still no kids and my ovaries are withering. I'm still waiting on my financial ship to come in. But I have to admit that in the midst of it all, I'm extremely content in the place that I am. It doesn't mean I don't want more. The more I want means I am still leaving room for God to fulfill hopes and dreams and heart's desires. However, I'm not pining after those things and I've really been trying to cherish every single moment that comes my way.

And so I realized something after I got over the shock of how crazy I sound. I realized that I also sound satisfied. They say you're really doing something you love when you would do it for free, so I suppose that if you pay to do something then you are over the moon. And for today, I'll take that...

Set It Off...

I really do try my best not to compare myself to others. Over the years, I've tried to develop a good sense of worth--knowing that my ultimate worth comes from God and all that jazz... But the truth of it is that beyond that "Sunday School" answer. There are days when I feel nothing like that. Especially on a hospital ship where you're not a doctor or nurse. It can be easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and not feel like what you bring to the table is of value. Or if you're married, comparing yourself to your "free to mingle" single friends. And if you're single, envying the thighs and legs in your married friends' buckets... I mean I can quote Psalm 139:14 about how I'm fearfully and wonderfully made and sure of God's marvelous work in me; but then when I was being hateful last week or struggling with trying to bring every thought into subjection I didn't feel so wonderful or marvelously worked. .

So it made my walk the other day all-the-more special. I love how God works with me even in all my non-marvelosity (yes...I just made up a word). I was walking around the other morning and saw a daisy-like flower in the midst of the rose bush. And I thought to myself, "what would it be like to be that daisy amidst the roses?" It could go one of two ways: 1) I could decide that I am nothing compared to these fancy flowers that everyone covets or 2) I could decide that I am so FABULOUS that it only takes one of you to set it off.

Yeah...I'm I'm leaning towards the second option, and I'm hoping that today is one of those FABULOUS days for you too. #ThatIsAll!

Right F.O.C.U.S.

I've always struggled with the idea of writing for the sake of writing. I don't do it. If there's nothing pressing on my mind, you better believe that I probably won't keep to the "schedule" of email delivery that I thought would work best. But that's only part of it. Because the truth is there are times when God really is working something in my heart, mind and spirit and I'm being a bit of the proverbial ostrich with my head in the sand and not facing it. Because yeah...we all know the truth is that...once it's "out there" (When Harry Met Sally reference for those who do that kind of thing) then it's just plain "out there" and we all know that EVERYthing on the Internet is true...(riiiight...).

So, real talk...I've been in a particularly vulnerable place the last couple of years and I haven't necessarily felt like living that fully in front of everyone. I think that finally the Lord has convicted me enough to know that I can't continue to do this and I must FOCUS. So here I am...reviving the blog. And what's the first thing that God puts on my mind? A tape I've been playing in my mind for about 15 years now--I'm a "Jack (or Jill in this case) of all trades and a master of none".

You see, I had a friend tell me this as I was about to make a big move in my life. It was an interesting time and my friends had sat me down to basically "tell me about myself" and in the midst she said this thing: "Andrea, you're a Jack of all trades and a master of none" and then proceeded to tell me how I needed to decide what I wanted to master and focus. From that point forward, I became a bit self-conscious. Every time that I felt the Lord tugging in a different direction, I'd have her words in the back of my mind--focus. Every time I felt free to express myself in this creative way or the other--focus. Every time my life hasn't aligned with what "normal" people would do--focus. Every time my faith has challenged me--focus. Focus, focus, focus...until I finally got the revelation that GOD was the one who gifted me in many ways. And, though those gifts don't always make sense to someone from the outside looking in, but they do make sense to Him. He is the giver of every good gift. The fact that I can sing or write or take a picture or preach or teach or...well whatever...Should I just become a singer because that would lend to someone's definition of focus? Should I only write because that would mean I'm "focused".

I've decided to take her advice finally and FOCUS for real...I'm focusing on God and focusing on faith and focusing on using EVERYthing He gave me to meet the end goal--glorifying Him. And I continue to struggle with that tape playing. But at least at this point the tape is so warped that these days it doesn't have the same power it used to...And I'm praying that for you. I'm praying that your tapes begin to warp and eventually just plain stop working. I'm praying that as you walk in faith you maintain the right focus--Faith Obscuring Communication Unearthed by Satan.

Blessings,
MinD

H-U-M-I-L-I-T-Y

The last couple of weeks have been a journey in self-definition and humility. Often, it feels like humility is a curse...even saying the word has a bit of sting that can be spelled out like a 4-letter word. There's no other way to say it than to admit that I have pride issues. Oh...YOU TOO?! Good...For a minute there, I thought I was alone. I figured that there were so many times when I would think that I've got it. I'd have a conversation with the Lord and "let him know" (as if He's taking advice from me), that we didn't have to go through these humbling lessons anymore. "I've got it already!" Ha! I suppose that if you have to say anything about it, then you probably don't really have it. So as I've learned, like Paul, to be "abased and abound" (Philippians 4:12) God continues to mold me like clay and purify me like gold. And, while it's not comfortable, I've truly come to a place where I can appreciate parts of this journey. In the role I have right now of housekeeping on a medical mission, I have come to a place where all I hear each day in my head that Jesus came to serve and not be served.

just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28)

Wow...what a privilege it has become for me to walk out this road of service. I'm not perfect as Christ was. I don't always want to be the one doing the serving, but I have come to such a genuine place of peace in the midst of it all...

I pray today that you too are able to take the sting out of service. As you walk this Christian journey, it is my prayer that you constantly remember that humility is a journey and begin to appreciate the ride.

Blessings,
MinD

Out Of The Boat & Then Back On...Go figure!

This weekend, my life shifted ever the more. Months ago I made a decision to take some time and apply to serve on Mercy Ships. After some time in the application process, I was approved and began the process of raising money and getting my life ready for this drastic shift. Though I'm still raising money, I have gone forward with full force. And so in this journey to be "water walking" out here on the water with Jesus

, I've found myself conveniently back on the boat...literally! 

It's all been very exciting. I arrived here in Pointe Noire, Congo a couple of days ago. I was worn out after 24+ hours of travel, but my heart was overflowing! We arrived under the cloak of darkness so it felt like Christmas morning the next day to get up and hurry to a window so I could see out. I've spent these few days getting acquainted and settling in and being somewhat overwhelmed by the potential of what can be done here.

When I made the decision to make this trip, it was at the prodding of the Holy Spirit yet again to make a move. I find myself in familiar yet unfamiliar territory. I'm sure you're wondering how that's possible. I'd say that I've almost become familiar with the idea that I'm out here on this faith walk and don't know much about what the end result will be. But the unfamiliarity comes in redefining myself. Over the last couple of months, I've had the pleasure to wander around and spend quality time with family and friends before making this trip. Inevitably the question that has continually come my way is "Where are you from?" and "What are you doing?" 

How is it possible that such simple questions could render me completely at a loss. People ask these questions because they help them to categorize you or find points of commonality. However, what happens when you can't articulate simple answers to such simple questions? I've come to that place in my life where I no longer identify with "where I'm from". I've come to say that 'I'm from here and there' or a child of the world. I sound like a hippie but it's how I feel. Perhaps if we were still in the 60's that's exactly what I'd be--a flower child. But in this day and age, it's unacceptable to not be able to say what you do and clearly help people know who you are. 

And so here I sit, on a boat on the dock in the Congo with the feeling that my life is changing with every little type of the keyboard. The shifts keep coming and I'm hanging in there. Perhaps I'll have a better answer soon to those self-defining questions...then again maybe I won't. But there's one thing I can say about this business of being out of this boat above all else: I'm surrounded with that immeasurable peace that surpasses understanding and I wouldn't trade that for the world. 

That's all for now!

Blessings,
MinD/PastorA

P.S. If you are interested in learning more about Mercy Ships or supporting my service (every dollar helps), you can visit my page at http://mercyships-us.donorpages.com/crewmates/AndreaDiallo.

Leaving The Rest Area

It's been a while...

Despite my silence, my adventure hasn't ended. After much prayer and pulling from the Lord, I made a decision to take another step closer to Him off this boat on the water. It has meant leaving friends (who have become family) behind and really stretching my faith in ways that I didn't realize needed to be stretched. And, the truth is...it's lonely out here...

Maybe one day I'll spend some time really exploring THAT, but I just needed to check in and share some good news. As a whole, God has been dealing with me about being even more vulnerable and fully exposed for Him--not allowing fear to have any foothold in my faith walk. With this tugging on my spirit, I had to face the facts: I'd been hiding. The only way I can explain it is that it's like I stepped out on faith, left my home (like Abraham), and then pulled the car over in a rest area. But I've decided that I refuse to get stuck here. My key is in the ignition and I'm pulling out back on the road of my faith. As a step in this direction, I spent some time doing some things that truly make me feel "exposed".

First, I loaded a few sermon clips on YouTube (YIKES!) and then, today, I did something exciting and finally finished converting my book (yes...I wrote a book for those who don't know) to digital availability on Kindle. Yep...I'm feeling extra exposed and started thinking of all the negatives that could come out of this. So I had to get online and take a stand against those thoughts. I'm stopping the chatter in my head and replacing it with the positive. Say it with me:

I'M MOVING IN FAITH!

I'M NOT AFRAID OF FAILURE!

I'M NOT AFRAID OF SUCCESS!

I'M FULLY SURRENDERED TO GOD'S WILL!

IT'S OKAY TO BE SCARED AS LONG AS I KEEP WALKING...

GOD'S GOT MY BACK.

I AM TRIUMPHANT FOR AND THROUGH HIM!

Any questions?

Blessings from the water,
A

New Perspective...

I was thinking of the decision to leave my job the last few days. Well...it's something I think of often and piece my decision apart to ensure that I heard God and made the right move. Though it's difficult for me to understand in the midst of my circumstances, I usually end my thoughts reassured. So when I encounter someone along my path who I tell if this journey, I'm not completely clueless as to why they have a difficult time understanding my choice. And then recently, I got a new perspective on the decision.

If our nation were at war, and I had made a decision to drop everything and fight in that war. Even if there were little to no pay involved, people would not struggle to understand. If that very war was a threat to my life--putting me in harm's way and risking death--people would consider me valiant. Even if my family despised the decision, the support of my nation and comrades would carry me through and reinforce the decision on a daily basis.

And so it is in ministry. I believe that there is a war between what's righteous and evil going on in this world. The Bible tells us we war against "powers and principalities". I believe that people's lives are at stake if we don't do the work to fight for them; and I took drastic measures to join the fight full time. I expect that some friends and family may begrudge the choice I've made, but I'm girded up on every side by comrades in the Kingdom who know the struggle and understand the necessity. I have people I can call when I'm thrown of by a tactical move made by the enemy or when I'm awed by the protection of my God.

I say all of this to say that if you don't have those type of comrades, you are fighting in the wrong unit. If you are floundering out there trying to justify your decision, I encourage you to start simply telling people you are a captain or general in battle for a secret operatives team. That will quiet them. In the end, you must follow after what GOD said and not what man fears.

Be encouraged and stay focused!
MinD

Faithful to Finish

For I am confident of this very thing, 

that He who began a good work in you 

will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. 

(Philippians 1:6 NASB)

There are times in our lives when we become discouraged. There are days when we look up and around and begin to lose sight of whatever God has said for our lives. There are seasons when the promise of God seems so illusive--where the reality of our circumstance and situation makes seeing the possibilities of God's will difficult. We are weighed down by life and responsibility. We are distracted by the twists and turns of day-to-day living and begin to forget that God is a God who can make it all straight.

I am in such a season. If you're anything like me, you begin to think you must have dreamed it all. I have pouted and thrown tantrums with God. I had even made a decision the other day that perhaps I should simply start trying to convince myself not to believe. In the interest of being content or satisfied, perhaps I should simply decide that I'm not meant to be or do any more than what I'm currently being and doing. I began to think that if I lower my expectations of what God said was to happen, the process would somehow hurt or fatigue me less when/if things didn't move as I would hope. I'm a person who shouts "YOU MUST HAVE FAITH!" from the highest mountain tops, but was facing a crisis of my own--thinking that it was enough to have faith in how powerful I believe God to BE without fully investing my heart in the faith for what He said He would DO!

I went back and forth in my mind the last few days about weather to embrace this shift in mindset. BUT GOD (gotta love when He puts his "but" in things), the lover of my soul, wrapped His arms around me in the form of an emailed video from a friend today. My friend had done me the favor of digitizing the video from my initial sermon. (I have only watched this sermon once and that was some time after at the taunting of friends.) But TODAY, I needed to be reminded and God was faithful to send me that reminder. I remembered that being content and satisfied were not one in the same. As I listened God reminded me that wanting what He has for me has nothing to do with not being content. If He doesn't do another thing for me, I will be content. But I refuse to live satisfied with less than what was His original intent when He fashioned me in my mother's womb. The Bible tells me to press towards the mark (Phil 3:14) and not just float our way there. There is action and intention in walking out the promises of God and we cannot lose sight of the destination while we are panting through the course!

Just has He did for me, it is His intention for you to understand that He IS a Promise Keeper! You were starting to feel like you must have dreamed what God said or like He has forgotten, but He sent me today to remind you in love that He's not a man that He should lie! He sees you and knows your path! HIS WORD IS BOND!!! He's a FINISHER and will begin what He started in you. Beyond your tears and the realities of your circumstance lies your PROMISE. Today, be encouraged to keep your eye on the prize and keep pressing. He's well worth it!

Blessings,
MinD

P.S. I've posted this in my prayer point devotional as well and have uploaded a clip from my initial sermon on YouTube (http://youtu.be/2E6hVj0Hotc). If you have 7 minutes, please take a look and stand in agreement with me for the promises that God is bringing to pass and be encouraged to share that encouragement with those you think may need a bit of a boost today.

Persevering After The Hit

The concept of perseverance is one that is often learned the hard way. We are placed in situations where we're pushed to our limits. However, today, I found encouragement to persevere in the oddest of places. I was reading an article today about an owl. I know that's an odd topic to randomly be reading about, but a tweet on the ABC News twitter feed caught my eye. Apparently, a woman in Florida hit an owl who, in turn, got stuck in the front grill of her vehicle and remained alive throughout the ordeal. "The owl that a Florida tourist hit with her SUV and unwittingly transported for about 100 miles in the grill of her vehicle appears to have survived the ordeal none the worse for the ride..." the article read. And as I tried to move on to the next thought, I couldn't shake the look of this owl peaking out from the front fender of her car:

Photo Credit to ABC News

As I gazed at the picture, the Lord began to minister to me about how there are times in our lives when we take a hit, sometimes get stuck, get taken along for the ride and end up "no worse for the wear". In fact, like this owl, we sometimes make it to our destination a little shaken up but definitely in a new (and perhaps better) environment. Here was an owl who, for all intents and purposes could have FLOWN the 100 miles to where it ended up. But God took it there another way. In essence, it was transported sort of like Jonah in the belly of the great fish--it didn't get there the conventional way but an unorthodox route.

God is taking so many of us by an unorthodox route. He has used a "hit" to get us in position to be carried to that next place in life. And all we can do at the end of the day is praise Him for delivering us safely to the place of HIS plan. Though that owl may not have planned to go that way, God had a greater plan. Though the owl felt "stuck" along the way, God was moving it with purpose and intention. And just when the owl should have been forgotten, someone took notice and brought it out of bondage...out of its sticking place. I just believe that the same God that did this for an owl, would do so much more for us (his favored children). I believe that God allowed so many of us to get hit by life. I believe that many of us are feeling stuck in a holding pattern. But, I believe that, beyond what we can see, God is moving me/us with purpose and intention. We are along for the ride. I believe that just at that moment when we feel we've been forgotten, deliverance will occur. I believe that, just like this owl, we will persevere beyond the hits and our life's experience will tell a testimony for many to see when it's all said and done.

Yeah...that's what I believe.

Be encouraged.

Blessings,
MinD

P.S. You can read the full story of this amazing owl at http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/02/florida-driver-hits-owl-that-survives-miles-in-suv-grill/

Back In The Game

I read an article recently called "Dating While Smart". It was a well-constructed diatribe about the woes of being a smart woman (particularly African American) in the dating world. She expounded on the pressure to "dumb it down" and the simple lack of men of her "caliber" around to make the dating experience anything less than frustrated.

Much of what she wrote, I could identify with to a certain extent. As an African American woman whose understanding of the world is shaped by my multicultural/multicontinental upbringing and multiple degrees of higher education, I have faced similar expectations and frustrations. Without sounding arrogant, it simply presents it's own set of challenges. Though my personal preferences do not exclude men with educational backgrounds different from mine, I do have a desire to have whoever I am involved with challenge me to be better. And, as I read her words, I found myself thinking of the added challenge (I hate to say) that my faith tends to add to how and who I consider in my dating life.

You see, I'm a firm believer in what the Bible says--we are not to be "unequally" yoked in our relationships (2 Cor 6:14). However, the reality of that is harder to live out for me than I would like to admit. The truth of the matter is that I struggle with that side that wants to simplify life and remove every hurdle that I have imagined exists (though not necessarily real) and just be ME. I'm a Christian and proud of that fact, but dealing with other people's assumptions about what that must mean is not fun.

It seems that everyone has their ideas of who I am before giving me a chance to be me. Ive had several well-intentioned gentlemen tell me that they couldn't pursue anything with me or other Christian women serious about their walk for fear of living in a space of being judged at every turn for their human frailties. And the truth is that I don't want to compromise my Christian standards. I don't want to deal with someone who is completely insensitive to my faith. But here has to be a happy middle ground, because I find myself frustrated by the constant miseducation of the world on Christians.

The unfortunate truth is that it isn't the world's fault that they feel this way. It's our fault as Christians who have approached the world in constant judgement because of legalistic rules that only apply to a few and have little to do with faith. One guy assumed in jest that I may be opposed to wearing high heels...really?? This is what my dating world is like?! Much of it makes me honestly want to strip myself of my faith-based titles and those assumptions at times. But when I even start to lean in that direction, I remember how much God loves me. I remember that, despite my sin, He acknowledges me at every turn. I remember that, God even says that if we deny him before men, he will deny us before the Heavenly Father.

And so, despite my frustrations of being "Saved While Dating", I persevere knowing that the RIGHT one will "find" me and will be able to see me. What I will never do is disavow my faith to accommodate ignorance. I guess I'll have to just chalk it up to being back in the dating game.

It is what it is.Keep walkin'...

MinD