Alone

Today was supposed to be the day.

It's been difficult for me to write about this the past two weeks. The days have seemed to run together. I've honestly been feeling inadequate. I've been running around doing what seems to be nothing and getting almost nothing accomplished, putting out fires and dealing with immediate needs. All my lofty goals to "leave valiantly" have gone out the window and I just want to leave having honored God to the best of my ability. My job has extended a bit even though I will officially be out of my office this week. And through it all, there is one over-arching feeling--loneliness.

I know I shouldn't admit that. I'm supposed to be ok with just me and Jesus. And I am. Don't get me wrong. My contentedness for Christ hasn't dulled because my flesh is in this random controversy, but...well...I said that this blog would be about the transparent journey to my destiny and victory. I wish that I could say that I'm feeling on top of the world. I wish that I could say that I'm feeling bold as a lion. Everyone I come across asks, "Are you excited?!" and I have to conveniently find ways to not lie but be somewhat evasive. I know this move is God. I know it's His will. I know that I'm on the right road. But, at the end of the day, I'm scared and feeling alone.

As I was comisserating with a friend about my loneliness, I realized the ultimate secret that we all are supposed to get--It's not about me. It's not rocket-science. It's just not. And perhaps that's the point. I'm nobody special. I'm just a child of God who's trying to do something for Him. Sometimes I get it right. sometimes I don't. But no matter what I do or don't get or who does or doesn't get me, God is still in control. Period.

Be encouraged!