Above Reproach

Those dreaded words came my way: "We need to talk." They are four of the most daunting words put together in the English language. And it's funny to me (and sad to an extent) that they have caused me so many moments of unrest. I realized as I was sitting here that the reason that I hadn't been able to rest is that I have failed... The scripture in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 says that an overseer is to be "above reproach", and as I made a mental list of all the things I had done right or wrong in the past couple of weeks, I realized that it was not me.

Now I'm not talking about big things, but I'm talking about those areas of life where you know you are just shy of right--where your attitude could've been a little smoother or you could've done better to ensure that you presented no appearance of evil. How many of those things do we have in our lives? How many times are those the things that potentially hold us back? As I anticipate whatever it is that the person may have to tell me, I have been driven to a point of reflection and repentance and felt led to write about it.

I'm not sure who will read this or where you are, but I want to be clear that you have an opportunity to move forward in a way that is "above reproach" from this point forward. You can make a decision to reflect God in ways that only showcase just how wonderful He is. Don't sit here and condemn yourself for what has been done. Move forward today in integrity and self-control know that the grace of God has helped to heal whatever has been done in the past.

Be blessed,
MinD

i melted...

I've started to write this blog over and over again. I suppose that it's very telling that the topic that's been on my heart has also been what has kept me from writing. Today, I've decided to conquer my fears and insecurities...so here goes...

Last week, I found myself in tears. I wanted to scream out "I'm melting!!!" Now, I'm sure that there are a myriad of reasons that may have been so. Perhaps my hormones were amiss. Or maybe the heat was pounding my skull just so. However, no matter the reason, I found myself walking quickly to get to the safe haven of a closed room with a friend so that I could just let 'er rip. What's interesting about the conversation I'm having here with you is that I consider myself to be a pretty confident person. The truth is that I'm confident in my abilities but not always my self. I know what I know and don't know. I know what I can and can't do. I know who God says that I am and what I'm called to do. I even know how He looks at me. But, in that moment last week, when the tears threatened to drown me, I was sure that none of that mattered. Though there was a trigger, it wasn't one person or situation that was truly behind the flood.

I don't know how to say it except to say it. What I do as a minister of God...what I did before I came to Mercy Ships and what I will do long after I'm gone...it's personal. A lot of people can say that their job is their job and then home and spiritual and friends are their personal space. You may get upset at work with your boss and be pissed off with a coworker, but then you go home and your wife makes you dinner or your friends go to the movies with you and it's forgotten (at least until you head back to work). That's not always possible when what you do encompasses your home, your spiritual life, your friendships... That's hard enough when you're a leader at the same church you attend and find your friendships. Setting healthy boundaries becomes one of the bigger challenges for many pastors and leaders. I remember standing in service with my hands lifted high, in the midst of worship, tears running down my face and crying out to God when someone tapped me on my shoulder and asked me to help them in the back office with something administrative (I think it was the copy machine was jammed). I was furious that day! It became a symbol for how I knew many people would see me moving forward. And here on a ship...well...sigh...yeah...that's often a challenge. In fact it's magnified. You get the best and the worst of both worlds. You have people that want to talk to you at all hours of the day and night (which is fine to a certain extent since that's sort of what we're here for...to a certain extent) and then you have the many people who are very guarded around you because they are uncertain about who you'll tell or if you can be trusted so they won't even have real friendship-bearing conversations.

So yeah...it's personal. I'm sure you know that this task of water walking is not easy. Because at the end of the day, it makes for a lonely life at times and makes me doubt myself, my likability (and let's face it we all want to be liked)...and wonder how on earth the Lord called me this broken, boo-hooin' mess to care for his people. Now, I know I'm not special. I'm just telling my tale. There are many victorious and fulfilling sides to serving on the mission field. But there are challenges too. There are plenty of people who could give you the same story--particularly here on this ship we call work, home, life...the lines get crossed so often. There is the doctor who gets asked medical questions in the dining room, the nurse who gets asked to look at a rash while drinking coffee on her break, the human resources person who gets asked about vacation time when they are about to leave on their own days off, the mechanic who gets asked "what's that sound" when they are about to take their wife on a date, the teacher that gets asked to correct something when reading a book at Starbucks and so on... We all have the space to fuss and complain about how our world seems to bleed together. Today's just my day because I melted last week.

I felt compelled to share because maybe you melted last week too. Or perhaps you're on the verge of a meltdown. What I felt the Lord say to my spirit as I finished drying up my tears was that I was "allowing doubts to erode away my confidence". At the end of the day, the responsibility for healthy boundaries is ours. Saying "no" or "can we talk about that tomorrow during business hours" seems like the most irrational thing for a missionary to do. And sometimes things cannot wait or should not wait. But then there are the times when we do need to draw lines and we do need to set ourselves up for greater health and effectiveness. When we allow ourselves to get run down and pulled from all ends, those are the moments that we give the enemy the most room to infuse that doubt that puts chinks in our "whole armor of God". When we try to make like the Energizer bunny and keep going and going and going, our fatigue becomes a foothold for the devil and his imps to whisper words of discouragement in our ears.

I'm not writing this so that people will write back and encourage me. No...I can truly say that I made it to "the other side of through" because of God's grace and because of the angels he sends my way. Today, I want to encourage you that if the melt down is coming...find a friend, a chaplain, a pastor...someone who can stand in the midst of the puddle with you like I did. Find someone who will speak life while you melt and help you clean up the puddle once the tears have dried. The person I cried to, sent me the picture above. You need to have someone who will send you pictures and read you scripture and pour back into you once you've poured out. Whether your mission field is in a foreign country or in the home you were born and raised in, know that you are not alone and that God called you (yes you...broken, melted mess that you are...) because in your weakness, HE is made strong.

Be encouraged in this day to draw good boundaries and when all else fails...feel free to melt...

Blessings,
MinisterD

What Would Thin Be Like? And Other Silly Thoughts In Serious Times

I'm thinking of writing another book. This one could be entitled What Would Thin Be Like? And Other Silly Thoughts In Serious Times. Yes, you read right. While other people's blogs (especially my fellow friends here on Mercy Ships) detail the ups and downs of missionary work, the plight of the poor, and the trials of the world, the simple side of my mind turns to randomness. Something must be done.

I really want to be one of those ultra-serious people. I don't want to have to convince people that I hold two master's degrees and have a couple of pennies of sense rattling around in my brain. I want people to just know it. I want to exude intelligence and maturity, but instead I often feel like my silliness makes me seem much younger than my forty years (and not in a good way). I'm sure Mother Teresa didn't get shocked looks once people found out she got the Nobel Prize. It simply made sense that she should get it.

But when I think about the person I would like to be--loving people like Mother Teresa, sacrificing like Esther, evangelizing people like Billy Graham, forgiving people like Nelson Mandela, inspiring people like Ghandi, charming people like Oprah, praying like Paul, and basically fully embodying Jesus--I can only think of silliness. I wonder if I'm thin enough, smart enough, educated enough...am I enough? All of my insecurities shine through and I wonder silly things like "what would it be like to be thin or if my head was on the body of someone like Gabrielle Union?"

No matter how many letters there are behind my name, what I haven't accomplished shines through. No matter how many times I've stepped out on faith, I consider the opportunities I may have missed when I was scared. No matter how many people I've showed love to, I worry about those who I fell short with. Even in the midst of serving God in this wonderful way on the mission field, I feel like I should always be doing or being more. Serious people do more, right? ...Or so I ask myself. I mean, why haven't I personally found the cure to the Ebola crisis in West Africa by now? Ludicrous, right? It's funny how no matter where you go, your stuff goes with you. Every insecurity and every ... I find myself wondering how it is that no matter how much you work on it, those things seem to surface at the most inopportune times.

But, at the end of the day, I was reminded that I am, indeed enough. A fellow minister was interviewing me and asked me about the book(s) that I felt every minister should read (beyond the Bible). I sat there stumped as I looked at him, and all those insecurities began to surface again as I drew a blank. I thought of how no one would ever believe that I graduated from seminary if I don't come up with acceptable answers to the question and begin quoting A.W. Tozier, D. Willard or the like. And then an overwhelming peace came over me as I realized that I was not them and that God didn't make a mistake. I really felt the reality of what Psalm 139 says when it talks about being 'fearfully and wonderfully made and having your soul know it well.' While serious things can be important, God has gifted me with a joy that simply flows over and may seem silly to most. So my soul kicked in and reminded me that I don't have to prove my intelligence or commitment to all things serious. My soul kicked in and reminded me that the greatest job that I have is to love and do so in my own skin with my own silliness and my own style.

Now this knowing won't stop the occasional return of the my-head-on-actress-body thoughts or wondering how I can do more to heal the world. It's those random thoughts that fuel the passion of great people to do great things. Perhaps I'll finally get healthier and have my body be a living reflection of God's deliverance from our vices (like chocolate) or maybe I'll even stumble across a cure for HIV/AIDS in my spare time. Who knows? But for now, all this silliness in these serious times is enough for God and so it's enough for me.

Pieces Coming Together

There is a guy from Sierra Leone on the ship who part of his job is to regulate the chemicals in the water and make sure that we have safe drinking water aboard the ship. And there's the Dutch young man serving as a barista in the Starbucks who always has a smile for everyone who goes by. We all sleep more comfortably knowing that our Romanian friend is busy ensuring that the HVAC units are running well. And then there's a lady from Liberia whose primary function is to bake the bread...well acutally ANY baked goods served on the ship and a young lady from Australia who serves as our preschool teacher. Or how about the Canadian girl who spends time making sure that each of the nurses feels safe in their job and gets appropriate professional feedback? You almost never see the Ghanaian woman who works with the department that provides all training to staff from Microsoft to management and more. If you look really closely, you'll probably catch an English woman or a Malagasy young man mopping and shuffling through the halls--ensuring the cleanliness of the ship. Finally, you cannot forget the young guy from Panama who helps steer the ship and keep us safe.

In all, there are over 40 nations represented on the Africa Mercy. Over 400 people at once and 1200 in the course of a field service that make our little world go round. I guess I just was thinking of the fact that I rarely talk about them. We, as an organization, have a mission to reach the poorest of the poor with a specific method--through surgeries. So much of the focus is on the men, women and children whose lives are forever changed because of the expertise of our surgeons, nurses, and other medical crew. But most of the world probably doesn't begin to realize what it takes to bring that hope and healing to pass. Without clean water and smiles at break-time, without controlled air or adept computer training, surgeries do not happen.

This week, we began surgeries for this new field service. It was a monumental day filled with a lot of energy on the ship. We are so proud of all of the ways we are able to serve God. We are so excited to get to use every gift that we have for His glory. We are so blessed by all of the ways that God's light can be shown to the world. So today I just had to take a moment to praise God for all of the pieces of our little puzzle coming together. Yep...I'm happy to be here.

Blessings,
MinD

My Hugutation

Several years ago, I went on a mission/vision trip to Lucknow, India with the express point of ministering to the Dalit people. If you know anything about the Indian caste system, then you know that the Dalit people are the lowest on the ladder. In fact, they are what some call "The Untouchables". These are people who have historically been cast aside and relegated to the dirtiest of jobs--handling trash, waste and blood products. They are bound by this cultural, sociological system that says they are nothing to God and therefore nothing to man.When I heard about them, all I wanted to do was fly across the world and hug.

Three Dalit girls I came across in Lucknow.

Now I realize that everyone doesn't want a hug, but it was in that moment that I began to see how much we (society, humanity) had allowed the enemy to steal something so precious and such a simple way of showing people the love of God through physical touch. Without being lascivious, there are hugs and human touch that simply about communicating the message "I care".

Then the other day, I sat in the room across from a momma and held her little girl's hand. As soon as I touched the little girl's hand, tears began to flow from her mother's eyes and sprung into the recesses of her own. She was about 8 years old and looked like any one of my god children... They had gone from doctor to doctor and heard the same answer--no. And we were no different. We couldn't give the girl the medical treatment that she was looking for, but I knew in that moment that I could give her something different--a touch.

You see, I've developed a bit of a reputation for being "that person". I'm the one who when you've had a bad day or you're missing home while here on the mission field or you simply realized that it's been days since anyone has touched you besides a hand shake who will reach out in bonafide, Christian love. There's no cost for what I give. No judgement. There's no malintent. I have no hidden sexual desire that I'm fulfilling. And I want nothing in return. The reason why I hug is because it's a simple way to bridge the gap and say "you matter". It's a simple way to put action to my words "Jesus loves you and so do I." It's a simple way to cross socioeconomic, geographic, gender, cultural lines and speak the same language of caring.

My kind of fun. This lady in Canada along
with her friends took a day in winter (when
people are depressed and lonely) to spread love
one hug at a time. Genius!

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm talking about my hugutation (hug+reputation). This week, someone confronted me about my hugs and tried to convince me to squash them. I can admit that I was saddened (and irritated) that a fellow Christian missionary would be so limited in how they thought about (appropriate) human touch. But I know that person isn't alone. Having been on the mission field now for almost a decade, I even understand the cross cultural dynamics of where this person was coming from. But, the truth is that we live in a world where the enemy has us so thoroughly convinced that all touch must be interpreted through the societal "naughty filter". But I choose to use a different filter to govern my actions--JESUS. I know that an appropriate hug on the right day can make all the difference in anyone's day. I may even have a T-Shirt printed that says "free hugs here" or a sign around my neck. But in the absence of those marketing tools, I'll just tell you: if you pass me in the street, and you're having a lousy day...reach out and maybe, just maybe, I'll be there to catch you. But if it's not me, then I hope that you'll pass a hug, a touch of simple care along to someone else you encounter who just needs their day to be boosted.

Be encouraged and don't be scared! God's love is bigger than the devils innuendo.

Blessings,
MinD

Right F.O.C.U.S.

I've always struggled with the idea of writing for the sake of writing. I don't do it. If there's nothing pressing on my mind, you better believe that I probably won't keep to the "schedule" of email delivery that I thought would work best. But that's only part of it. Because the truth is there are times when God really is working something in my heart, mind and spirit and I'm being a bit of the proverbial ostrich with my head in the sand and not facing it. Because yeah...we all know the truth is that...once it's "out there" (When Harry Met Sally reference for those who do that kind of thing) then it's just plain "out there" and we all know that EVERYthing on the Internet is true...(riiiight...).

So, real talk...I've been in a particularly vulnerable place the last couple of years and I haven't necessarily felt like living that fully in front of everyone. I think that finally the Lord has convicted me enough to know that I can't continue to do this and I must FOCUS. So here I am...reviving the blog. And what's the first thing that God puts on my mind? A tape I've been playing in my mind for about 15 years now--I'm a "Jack (or Jill in this case) of all trades and a master of none".

You see, I had a friend tell me this as I was about to make a big move in my life. It was an interesting time and my friends had sat me down to basically "tell me about myself" and in the midst she said this thing: "Andrea, you're a Jack of all trades and a master of none" and then proceeded to tell me how I needed to decide what I wanted to master and focus. From that point forward, I became a bit self-conscious. Every time that I felt the Lord tugging in a different direction, I'd have her words in the back of my mind--focus. Every time I felt free to express myself in this creative way or the other--focus. Every time my life hasn't aligned with what "normal" people would do--focus. Every time my faith has challenged me--focus. Focus, focus, focus...until I finally got the revelation that GOD was the one who gifted me in many ways. And, though those gifts don't always make sense to someone from the outside looking in, but they do make sense to Him. He is the giver of every good gift. The fact that I can sing or write or take a picture or preach or teach or...well whatever...Should I just become a singer because that would lend to someone's definition of focus? Should I only write because that would mean I'm "focused".

I've decided to take her advice finally and FOCUS for real...I'm focusing on God and focusing on faith and focusing on using EVERYthing He gave me to meet the end goal--glorifying Him. And I continue to struggle with that tape playing. But at least at this point the tape is so warped that these days it doesn't have the same power it used to...And I'm praying that for you. I'm praying that your tapes begin to warp and eventually just plain stop working. I'm praying that as you walk in faith you maintain the right focus--Faith Obscuring Communication Unearthed by Satan.

Blessings,
MinD

Out Of The Boat & Then Back On...Go figure!

This weekend, my life shifted ever the more. Months ago I made a decision to take some time and apply to serve on Mercy Ships. After some time in the application process, I was approved and began the process of raising money and getting my life ready for this drastic shift. Though I'm still raising money, I have gone forward with full force. And so in this journey to be "water walking" out here on the water with Jesus

, I've found myself conveniently back on the boat...literally! 

It's all been very exciting. I arrived here in Pointe Noire, Congo a couple of days ago. I was worn out after 24+ hours of travel, but my heart was overflowing! We arrived under the cloak of darkness so it felt like Christmas morning the next day to get up and hurry to a window so I could see out. I've spent these few days getting acquainted and settling in and being somewhat overwhelmed by the potential of what can be done here.

When I made the decision to make this trip, it was at the prodding of the Holy Spirit yet again to make a move. I find myself in familiar yet unfamiliar territory. I'm sure you're wondering how that's possible. I'd say that I've almost become familiar with the idea that I'm out here on this faith walk and don't know much about what the end result will be. But the unfamiliarity comes in redefining myself. Over the last couple of months, I've had the pleasure to wander around and spend quality time with family and friends before making this trip. Inevitably the question that has continually come my way is "Where are you from?" and "What are you doing?" 

How is it possible that such simple questions could render me completely at a loss. People ask these questions because they help them to categorize you or find points of commonality. However, what happens when you can't articulate simple answers to such simple questions? I've come to that place in my life where I no longer identify with "where I'm from". I've come to say that 'I'm from here and there' or a child of the world. I sound like a hippie but it's how I feel. Perhaps if we were still in the 60's that's exactly what I'd be--a flower child. But in this day and age, it's unacceptable to not be able to say what you do and clearly help people know who you are. 

And so here I sit, on a boat on the dock in the Congo with the feeling that my life is changing with every little type of the keyboard. The shifts keep coming and I'm hanging in there. Perhaps I'll have a better answer soon to those self-defining questions...then again maybe I won't. But there's one thing I can say about this business of being out of this boat above all else: I'm surrounded with that immeasurable peace that surpasses understanding and I wouldn't trade that for the world. 

That's all for now!

Blessings,
MinD/PastorA

P.S. If you are interested in learning more about Mercy Ships or supporting my service (every dollar helps), you can visit my page at http://mercyships-us.donorpages.com/crewmates/AndreaDiallo.

Persevering After The Hit

The concept of perseverance is one that is often learned the hard way. We are placed in situations where we're pushed to our limits. However, today, I found encouragement to persevere in the oddest of places. I was reading an article today about an owl. I know that's an odd topic to randomly be reading about, but a tweet on the ABC News twitter feed caught my eye. Apparently, a woman in Florida hit an owl who, in turn, got stuck in the front grill of her vehicle and remained alive throughout the ordeal. "The owl that a Florida tourist hit with her SUV and unwittingly transported for about 100 miles in the grill of her vehicle appears to have survived the ordeal none the worse for the ride..." the article read. And as I tried to move on to the next thought, I couldn't shake the look of this owl peaking out from the front fender of her car:

Photo Credit to ABC News

As I gazed at the picture, the Lord began to minister to me about how there are times in our lives when we take a hit, sometimes get stuck, get taken along for the ride and end up "no worse for the wear". In fact, like this owl, we sometimes make it to our destination a little shaken up but definitely in a new (and perhaps better) environment. Here was an owl who, for all intents and purposes could have FLOWN the 100 miles to where it ended up. But God took it there another way. In essence, it was transported sort of like Jonah in the belly of the great fish--it didn't get there the conventional way but an unorthodox route.

God is taking so many of us by an unorthodox route. He has used a "hit" to get us in position to be carried to that next place in life. And all we can do at the end of the day is praise Him for delivering us safely to the place of HIS plan. Though that owl may not have planned to go that way, God had a greater plan. Though the owl felt "stuck" along the way, God was moving it with purpose and intention. And just when the owl should have been forgotten, someone took notice and brought it out of bondage...out of its sticking place. I just believe that the same God that did this for an owl, would do so much more for us (his favored children). I believe that God allowed so many of us to get hit by life. I believe that many of us are feeling stuck in a holding pattern. But, I believe that, beyond what we can see, God is moving me/us with purpose and intention. We are along for the ride. I believe that just at that moment when we feel we've been forgotten, deliverance will occur. I believe that, just like this owl, we will persevere beyond the hits and our life's experience will tell a testimony for many to see when it's all said and done.

Yeah...that's what I believe.

Be encouraged.

Blessings,
MinD

P.S. You can read the full story of this amazing owl at http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/02/florida-driver-hits-owl-that-survives-miles-in-suv-grill/

Back In The Game

I read an article recently called "Dating While Smart". It was a well-constructed diatribe about the woes of being a smart woman (particularly African American) in the dating world. She expounded on the pressure to "dumb it down" and the simple lack of men of her "caliber" around to make the dating experience anything less than frustrated.

Much of what she wrote, I could identify with to a certain extent. As an African American woman whose understanding of the world is shaped by my multicultural/multicontinental upbringing and multiple degrees of higher education, I have faced similar expectations and frustrations. Without sounding arrogant, it simply presents it's own set of challenges. Though my personal preferences do not exclude men with educational backgrounds different from mine, I do have a desire to have whoever I am involved with challenge me to be better. And, as I read her words, I found myself thinking of the added challenge (I hate to say) that my faith tends to add to how and who I consider in my dating life.

You see, I'm a firm believer in what the Bible says--we are not to be "unequally" yoked in our relationships (2 Cor 6:14). However, the reality of that is harder to live out for me than I would like to admit. The truth of the matter is that I struggle with that side that wants to simplify life and remove every hurdle that I have imagined exists (though not necessarily real) and just be ME. I'm a Christian and proud of that fact, but dealing with other people's assumptions about what that must mean is not fun.

It seems that everyone has their ideas of who I am before giving me a chance to be me. Ive had several well-intentioned gentlemen tell me that they couldn't pursue anything with me or other Christian women serious about their walk for fear of living in a space of being judged at every turn for their human frailties. And the truth is that I don't want to compromise my Christian standards. I don't want to deal with someone who is completely insensitive to my faith. But here has to be a happy middle ground, because I find myself frustrated by the constant miseducation of the world on Christians.

The unfortunate truth is that it isn't the world's fault that they feel this way. It's our fault as Christians who have approached the world in constant judgement because of legalistic rules that only apply to a few and have little to do with faith. One guy assumed in jest that I may be opposed to wearing high heels...really?? This is what my dating world is like?! Much of it makes me honestly want to strip myself of my faith-based titles and those assumptions at times. But when I even start to lean in that direction, I remember how much God loves me. I remember that, despite my sin, He acknowledges me at every turn. I remember that, God even says that if we deny him before men, he will deny us before the Heavenly Father.

And so, despite my frustrations of being "Saved While Dating", I persevere knowing that the RIGHT one will "find" me and will be able to see me. What I will never do is disavow my faith to accommodate ignorance. I guess I'll have to just chalk it up to being back in the dating game.

It is what it is.Keep walkin'...

MinD

Radical Without Apology (Safe Ministry?!)

Yesterday, I began a service project doing a clean-up in a sketchy area of town all alone. I waited for a moment before beginning. However, it quickly became evident that those who signed up were not necessarily going to show up. I remembered that I had made a commitment to God that was without conditions. I didn't say to Him "I'll serve you if I have company." When I said "Yes" to Him, there was no caveat for "only when I can be assured that my life is not in danger." And so I kept my eyes open, the worship music lightly playing in my headphones and a prayer coming from my lips as I began to fill a bag with the liquor bottles and other trash that were evidence of a community that had begun to lost hope. And I prayed as I went that the power of God would overtake that place and that hope would be restored. And about 1/2 hour in, one of my co-laborers showed up. And about 1/2 hour after her, another pressed her way through sickness to fulfill her own personal promise to God. Not everyone showed up. There were no men in our Three-woman crew. But we watched and prayed as we cleaned and left feeling like we had really done something.

Later that day, I was confronted by the well-meaning words of a friend who, out of love, felt that I should have bailed and called it a day when no one showed up. Their good intentions sparked me to continue an internal debate that I have been having with myself for some time now. It's a debate that has been fueled by the loving suggestions of well-meaning friends and family, my own Type A desire to have things happen "just so", and by news reports that share the reality of the dangerous life of Christians around the world. The question centers around whether or not I should practice "safe" ministry.

In many ways that term "safe" seems at a complete odds with the word "ministry". When I read my Bible, I see story after story of people sticking out their necks for God. The three Hebrew boys in the book of Daniel didn't choose safety when they were faced with the fiery furnace (Daniel 3:19-25). Paul's entire life was one prison experience after another after he began living for Christ. And I've always felt a kinship to Queen Esther whose famous words were "if I perish, I perish!" (Esther 4:16) as she made a decision to do what was right for God. Furthermore, Christ is the ultimate example of one who came ready to sacrifice for what righteousness' sake. When I read The Great Commission in Matthew 28, I see where it says to 'go and make disciples and baptize folks' but I fail to note any follow-up verse that says "Only go to places you can control the safety. If you're a woman, be sure you're accompanied by a man. If you're sick, stay home in bed so you don't wear yourself out. If you're going to be alone, just cancel that trip and reschedule a new one." 

Am I missing something?! Do you see those words in the Bible somewhere? I know that we are told to use wisdom in all that we do. There is no question about that. Wisdom means being clear about being led by God and not by some adventurous/rebellious spirit. Wisdom means constantly praying. Wisdom means using as many resources as are available to you as long as they are not at the expense of doing ministry. However, I think that the Western Christian church has taken that to the extreme and act as though wisdom means protect yourself at all cost. We timidly act as though God is not THE God who is El Shaddai (God all mighty) and Jehovah Nissi (our banner)--able to protect and keep us in all situations according to His will. We have taken that as a license to limit ministry and, consequently, limit the potential to impact the world for God. But, the truth of Christianity is that we are called to die both in the spirit and flesh. We are called to a life of sacrifice and, if we are really trying to emulate CHRIST, then we take that calling to also include the potential to sacrifice our life for what we believe in. So it would seem that, instead of making decisions to cancel mission trips to war-torn, non-evangelized areas, churches around the U.S. should be rallying to focus their efforts on those areas where the hope of Christ is needed the most. Instead of talking about what we can't do, we need to live in the midst of the Truth that says that we can 'do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us' (Philippians 4:13).
  
I weep when I read reports of all of the men, women and children around the globe and throughout history who have been martyred for Christ. Trust me, I am not trying to be one of them. But, I am also not running scared from that possibility. In the Western world we have the luxury of choice when it comes down to it. We choose our level of commitment to God and to His Gospel based on our comfort and convenience: Church on Sundays and Wednesdays is fine, but don't challenge me to come out on a Saturday when it's cold or raining to clean or evangelize or simply encourage another human being out of my comfort zone...sigh...That's simply not okay with me. And so, I have ended the internal debate and have chosen to not be a wimpy Christian. I have decided to let nothing stop me from doing what I feel God says to do. When things happen, I want to be able to rest in the knowledge that they happened under God's watch and not because I wasn't obedient. I can't allow my gender or size or finances or anything else stop me from pursuing after God with a vengeance. I believe that God is looking for more people to step up out of the boat, step out into this big bad world and say, "If I perish, I perish." and then TRUST Him to cover them as they serve on His behalf. 

Hope you'll join me...

Blessings,
MinD

What's In A Name?

A few months ago, I had a life-changing moment/experience--I was ordained. While, I've been licensed for many years now, this was the next step in this water-walking experience. I remember when I got licensed, it was a difficult transition to hear your name called with title..."Minister So-And-So" just felt ominous so this newest transition to "Pastor" and "Prophet" really has thrown me for a loop... And one of the first questions that people ask me when they've seen me since my ordination is "What should I call you now?" And I it never fails that I don't usually know what they're talking about at first and then I remember..."OOOOhhh! You're talking about THAT!"

You see, I've never been one for titles. I have gotten fussed at by friends and family over the years because I didn't use the letters after my name that my degrees endow me with. It's just not me to get tripped up on whether you call me Minister or if you simply call my name. I'm me. I've been me for some time now and I'm going to keep being ME (titles or not). I suppose it's the same thought that women have when they get married. For years, you've just been who you are and now, by virtue of a new relationship, you are supposed to answer to Mrs NewLastName. It's a culture shock and one that some women embrace more readily than others.

For me, the titles of education and ministry have been much the same. I readily embrace them but have to admit that I still don't know what the big deal is most of the time. No...I take that back...I get it. I understand that titles help people know what to do with you. They help people categorize you. And, perhaps it's just me, but I don't often feel like my titles and alphabet soup at the end of my name really provide good guidance. They tell you what I can do for you professionally, spiritually, ministerially. They speak to the fact that someone has vetted me and that I've gone through some stuff to be able to help you. And they help me remember that I have a certain responsibility as an ambassador for Christ. But for all the stereotypes and assumptions that come with the titles Minister, Elder, Pastor, Prophet/Prophetess, I'm not sure any one of those titles would completely help you know that I am a down-to-earth person who is simply trying to live for God; who makes mistakes but tries my best not to; who loves to laugh and not always at the most appropriate things; who loves people but has bad moods sometimes and doesn't want to be bothered; who wants to hear your story and wants to tell you mine; who tries to be reliable but sometimes will drop the ball; who offers help but is sometimes the one who needs it; and who, most importantly, wants to simply be ME.

So what should you call me? Hmm...if I'm thinking of what's real, I'd say...call me Joy, Peace, Love, Prosperity, and Hope. Call me by my name. I promise I'll answer. The rest is just...well...names...

Blessings,
MinD

What A Difference A Day Makes

There are times when you feel as though you're struggling through and panting to see when a shift will occur. Today is not one of those days. I've spent the last few weeks getting excited about a turn of events that I didn't think would excite me quite this much. Something that I feel I worked for but never got...something that was in the back of my mind's eye is finally beginning to come to fruition. And while it doesn't matter what that thing is, what does matter is that I was reminded this week again of how God is a promise keeper. My hope is not for nothing and my focus on Jesus has been reinforced by a little boost from the Lord to remind me that He's in control.

I've written before about hearing someone use the saying "It's only 5 minutes to change". Truly, that's a concept that sometimes evades us. But I want to encourage you today as you wait and walk with me out on this water that life can shift for the good as much as it may have shifted for the bad in the past. Just know that it doesn't take very long for change to occur. One day you'll be pouting and the next you'll look up to see a glimmer of hope. And what's key is to look for the glimmer instead of focusing on the darkness. Stars are beautiful in the night sky, but if all we did was focus on the black instead of the twinkle of the white sky lights, we'd miss that magic and beauty.

I hope today you see that glimmer...

Be encouraged!
MinD

Nowhere Sea is Not for Punks!

It's been a while since I've posted and the reason was clear...I felt like I didn't have anything good to say. But today, I realized that I had allowed the enemy to silence me instead of celebrating whereever I am. So I figured I'd let you in on just where that is: just beyond the Bermuda Triangle in the Nowhere Sea.

Okay. Maybe I exaggerate a tad, but that's the feeling that I've had. What do you do when you feel like you were called to be one thing but life looks completely different. I am called to preach and I haven't been in a pulpit in months. I am called to publish books and I haven't finished the two that are "in progress" right now. I am called to travel the world evangelizing and my passport hasn't had a stamp almost two years. I believe I'm supposed to be married and I haven't had a serious relationship in over two years. I want to have kids and well...need to conquer that marriage thing first if at all possible. So yeah...here I am on the Nowhere Sea and it feel like this must be where people disappear to when they hit the Bermuda Triangle.

All I can say is, this water-walking deal is not for punks. Yes, I knew it would be hard, but I just couldn't imagine what it would feel like. It's one thing to be broke but to feel broken is whole other issue. It's one thing to be lost but to feel like a loser is a different story. It's one thing to fail but to feel like a failure takes a lot more energy. And speaking faith to yourself when those are the thoughts crossing your mind every hour is a full time job. Do you get it? If you could close your eyes and imagine yourself out in the middle of an ocean, standing on the water but not understanding how... That would be me. At times you look up and see ships passing by--friends and family on board living life--and you feel like you could just reach out and grab them but they are out of reach before you know it. That would be me. You hear God's voice but don't see Him and are trying to stay true to what He said. That would be me. You just don't know what is coming next or how life is going to work this week. That would definitely be me.

So I'm hanging in there and decided today that takes courage and that has got to be good enough...for now. Cuz I'M NO PUNK!

That is all.

MinD

Blessings Along The Way

Midway through my morning walk, I decided to incorporate a bit of "simple service" into my route. I had walked a mile out and so on the mile back decided to use the small grocery bag I'd found in my pocket to pick up trash. It was my own mini-community clean up. The bag quickly filled to it's breaking point so I had to stop. However, on my last handful of trash with my gloved hand, I noticed something to the side of the discarded beer can I was picking up--a lone dollar bill.

I was immediately encouraged. The dollar may not go far in my struggling bank account, but it wasn't about the money. Some may have even left it on the ground because it was among the dirt and muck. However, those words on the back "In God We Trust" shouted at me to recognize the blessing that I had found along the way. The Lord sent this dollar to remind me of how there are blessings in the most unexpected places along life's route. When we focus on our surroundings and circumstances instead of doing the work God sent us to do (serving others and Him), we miss those small blessings around us that are the voice of God saying "I am still here.", "I have not forgotten you." and "You can trust Me."

I think that I will frame that dollar as a constant reminder of God's sweet blessings. If I could, I'd send you a framed dollar as well but that's not possible. What I can tell you is that He's still here, He hasn't forgotten you, and He's worthy of your trust. Take your eyes off your circumstance and get busy with His business and the blessings will truly overtake you.

Be encouraged!
--MinD

Don't Take It Personal...

Back in the day, there was this song...I can't even remember who sang it...but it has been coming to mind a lot t. It went a little something like this: "Don't take it personal. Take the bitter with the sweet. Easy come. Easy go." The last couple of weeks, that's what has been on my mind.

You see, it's easy for me to get really personally attached to everything that is going on in my life right now, INCLUDING business/ministry. These days, this IS my life. This is my focus. This is my baby. I've already pouted about how this walk on the water is definitely a lonely one, but what makes it more "interesting" is that nothing I'm doing is as important to anyone else as it is to me. I've gotten frustrated at times, wanting to shake the world and say "come on it's time!!!". But, I have to remember that nothing that God has given me is necessarily going to make or break someone else's life where it may just make or break mine. When you work for someone else, in another person's 'vineyard', it's easy to be somewhat detached to the process. We are all well-meaning in our volunteer and work efforts for others but can never be as invested as the person for whom this is their life.

That is an important thing for me to remember as things don't go the way I want or disappointments come my way or even as people decide not to be involved with me or my ministry. Though it's hard not to take it personal, it's a must. No matter what we go through in our lives, we have to remember that our walk with God is a personal one. A wise friend once told me that God gives US enough faith for what He's called us to do and not other people. So we can't be mad or astounded when they don't believe or connect at the level that we would like. Even in our personal lives, we can't be mad if our husbands, wives, friends, parents don't "get it" when we want to go a specific direction. We just have to trust that God will work on them enough to not hinder our process and so that they will instead enhance that which he's given us.

So, in the mean time, I'll continue humming that song..."Don't take it personal...take the bitter with the sweet..." because I truly understand that, though bitter comes, sweet is right around the corner!

Be encouraged!
--MinD

By the way, if you remember who that song was by...comment on this and let me know or it's gonna bug me all day! :)

Stay Out Of Your Way

The thought that comes to mind as I reflect on this week in the business of water-walking is the fact that I can only pray that I’m not getting in my own way. This will not be a long entry because of that. I was thinking about Lots’ wife in the book of Genesis. She wasn’t able to move forward because she looked back. I thought about Jonah whose detour into the belly of the fish was due to his own disobedience. I even think about some non-biblical examples of people I see in modern times like Whitney Houston or Tiger Woods who seem to have the world at their fingers but then do something that changes the trajectory of their blessings.

Driving down the street today, my prayer was simple, “Lord, please do not allow me to be the reason why I don’t make it to the next level.” 

A Long Way from Entitlement Rd. to Heavenly Blvd.

So the journey has taken a turn this week that I'm not particularly proud of--down the road of entitlement. In the midst of just trying to keep my head on straight, I found myself slipping into a dangerous space--the space of "I deserve". In my mind I started to self-righteously rationalize with God how I wasn't a bad person, how I was trying to please Him with my life, how though not perfect I hadn't been a ho (yes, I said it), how I wasn't a drug addict, how I gave to the poor and paid my tithes...the list went on and on and ended with my plea to God saying "so why is it that I don't have X, Y, or Z like all the other kids in the sandbox?"

My tantrum was one that only God could hear. You can fill in any number of things where those letters lie. Why don't I have a car that runs without announcing itself before I get there? Why don't I have the money to give ten times what I keep? Why am I the one who is single? Why don't I have kids? Why is my money funny and change strange? Why is it...Well you get the point.

I wish I could say that the Lord's answer was a swift "My bad" followed by His endowing me with those things. But instead I was reminded of the story of the rich young ruler in the New Testament. (He's been on my mind a lot lately as a matter of fact.) Jesus asked him to give all his earthly goods away and follow him in order to inherit eternal life. I started thinking of how we/Christians/I deserve NOTHING but that God's expectation is to give EVERYTHING. It doesn't make it any easier to swallow or make the desire for the car, house, man, child, money dissipate; but it does put it all in perspective.

At the end of the day, I can say that it's my heart's desire to not have my story end like the rich young ruler's did. I don't want it to be said of me that instead of giving all my temporal desires, I sacrificed my eternal rewards. So when you hear me coming in my "put put" car, you'll know that I surrendered to the fact that the call to hear 'well done' when it's all said is much greater than my desire to stay on Entitlement Road even though that's a long road to travel. At this point in my walk on this here water, all roads have got to lead away from entitlement to that Heavenly Boulevard where I know I'll find peace.

Pray for me as I pray for you.

Stop Resisting the Upgrade!

For months now, my computer has been putting up messages when I’d visit various internet sites telling me “we see that you’re using an outdated version of explorer and would recommend that you upgrade for maximum use of this site”. Inevitably, I would press the DECLINE button and proceed through the site—not knowing what I was missing. I was hesitant because sometimes upgrades in the past have made it virtually impossible for me to do some of the things I needed to do for school or work. I couldn’t take the risk during a busy season that something would crash. I didn’t want to take the time to go against any possible learning curve that may pop up should the upgrade be more than expected. So I muddled through. My browser was slow but I blamed it on my computer. Many evenings I would have an extra 20 minutes of “wait time” padded into a project to account for whatever time it would take for sites to load and me to maneuver around the Internet. Frustrated doesn’t do justice to the number of times I would have to “woo sah” and practice my deep breathing exercises while praying for the ability to be at peace while I waited.

Then the other night, I finally succumbed to the pressure and thought to myself, “why not?” Those things that were critical were no longer critical. If I had to learn new tricks, I would have time now. And so I pushed “ok” and stopped resisting the upgrade. To say that it was as if the clouds opened up and light began shining bright and birds singing may be a bit of an overstatement. However, it was darn close to that very experience.  I began surfing with great ease. The frustrations I had felt all fell away. I began kicking myself…wondering why it was that I had resisted the upgrade.

And the Lord began to deal with me today saying that I was being a baby is what it is and throwing a tantrum about change. Truly, change is usually something that I embrace. But I think that, in this season where change is all around me, I decided to hold tightly to one little thing that I felt I could control. It seemed like nothing, but that ‘nothing’ caused endless frustration and dissatisfaction. And the minute I was able to release that thing, I became invigorated and productive in the things that God has on my plate right now.

How often do we do that in life? Hold on to some piece of minutia in an effort to exert our control. We make silly choices to DECLINE the things that God brings our way that have the potential to open up a new world of productivity in Him. We shun people and walk away from meaningful friendships--disregarding those who don't seem to "fit" where we are right now. We close the door to potential opportunities with negative, resistant, closed-minded attitudes that just want to hold on to that last piece of "the way it used to be". Well let me be the one to tell you that today is a good day to STOP RESISTING and upgrade. Release control and allow God to transform your life even through the small things. Don’t delay!!!

Forgotten Feeling

Last week, I had the pleasure of teaching at a conference at my old church/place of employment.  I stood before the people, I found myself completely invigorated just in having the opportunity to stand before others and preach/teach. Somewhere along the way, I think I forgot all about that feeling...The feeling of being in exactly the right place at exactly the right time, doing exactly the right thing, for exactly the right people. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world. I can equate it only to an exhilaration that heightens whatever sense of peace you may already have.

The last few months have been a journey that I, honestly, haven't even had the energy to write about. Each day has held it's own trials and triumphs. Each day has been a battle of getting up to take one more step towards destiny. Each day I have had to tap into the left-overs of that exhilarated feeling. I've tried to approach each day with a purposeful spirit and some days I do that better than others. What I'm supposed to be doing hasn't changed. I'm in exactly the right space--out here on this water, looking around without a shore in sight--and there is definitely a "peace that surpasses all understanding" that has lived with me despite the challenges that I may face. However, who knew that it would feel like this to be wondering which direction my next step will take me in?

It can sometimes be a bit overwhelming. I found myself yesterday reaching out to a friend I hadn't heard from in a while and reminding her that she needed to be sure not to isolate herself. The words sounded foreign in my ears since, to some degree, I had started to do the very same thing. And I realized that I had forgotten a piece of me that I needed to stay connected to--this blog. I had allowed the enemy (yes, I believe that the devil is real and that his imps are at work every moment of every day on his behalf) to take me into a space of isolation and silence that is definitely not cool. I was sitting on the edge of depression wondering if I should cross the line and walk into that lonely room or keep looking at Jesus whose out here on the water with me. Depression is a beast and can be a tempting lure that Christians don't talk about because they think it's sacrilege to admit that something other than God may influence your emotions. But depression is real and so many of us flirt with it even if we never take the full plunge. 

So today, with one foot in front of the other (or rather one keyboard tap after the next), I've made a decision to make the move towards Jesus instead. (Ha! Devil didn't get me this time!) And so here I sit today...eager to connect...taking baby steps to rekindle that exhilaration and remember that forgotten feeling. 

It's good to be back!

After Rested Then What?

I find myself in a daze. It’s taken weeks now to begin to feel like I can add one and one. I have to admit that even now, I’m not sure if it’s two or four but I feel like I’m getting closer (haha). But, through this period, I’ve been reviewing with God the lesson about the value of rest in sustaining our power to work in the Kingdom.

So many of us push and push and push until there is nothing left. But even with the birthing of a baby, something follows the push. You have to have enough left over to actually raise the child. Over the last ten years or so, I feel as though I’ve been in preparation mode—bringing me to this time and this season of water walking and destiny grabbing. The effort has been big. My consistency has generally been on point. My heart has been in the right place. I’ve learned so much each and every day about God, my life, my relationship with him, church, and how to meet other’s needs. So what happens if when I push and push and push, I’m suddenly simply too tired to do much of anything else? I feel like that’s where I’ve been the last six weeks—too tired to do much of anything else.

So I have to thank God for the grace to have this moment of rejuvenation and rest. I have to thank Him that He has guarded my mind and my heart while I meditate on Him some days and meditated on nothing other days. I praise Him for allowing me the time to get myself together. But, to use a phrase often used by Oprah Winfrey, “what I know to be true” is that that time has come to and end. And I feel as though I have to move forward with a clear determination to not fall or look back. I can’t be like Lott’s wife in the Bible and turn to this virtual pillar of salt by looking back. The resting period is over and it is now time to refocus and rev up my engines.