Much of what she wrote, I could identify with to a certain extent. As an African American woman whose understanding of the world is shaped by my multicultural/multicontinental upbringing and multiple degrees of higher education, I have faced similar expectations and frustrations. Without sounding arrogant, it simply presents it's own set of challenges. Though my personal preferences do not exclude men with educational backgrounds different from mine, I do have a desire to have whoever I am involved with challenge me to be better. And, as I read her words, I found myself thinking of the added challenge (I hate to say) that my faith tends to add to how and who I consider in my dating life.
You see, I'm a firm believer in what the Bible says--we are not to be "unequally" yoked in our relationships (2 Cor 6:14). However, the reality of that is harder to live out for me than I would like to admit. The truth of the matter is that I struggle with that side that wants to simplify life and remove every hurdle that I have imagined exists (though not necessarily real) and just be ME. I'm a Christian and proud of that fact, but dealing with other people's assumptions about what that must mean is not fun.
It seems that everyone has their ideas of who I am before giving me a chance to be me. Ive had several well-intentioned gentlemen tell me that they couldn't pursue anything with me or other Christian women serious about their walk for fear of living in a space of being judged at every turn for their human frailties. And the truth is that I don't want to compromise my Christian standards. I don't want to deal with someone who is completely insensitive to my faith. But here has to be a happy middle ground, because I find myself frustrated by the constant miseducation of the world on Christians.
The unfortunate truth is that it isn't the world's fault that they feel this way. It's our fault as Christians who have approached the world in constant judgement because of legalistic rules that only apply to a few and have little to do with faith. One guy assumed in jest that I may be opposed to wearing high heels...really?? This is what my dating world is like?! Much of it makes me honestly want to strip myself of my faith-based titles and those assumptions at times. But when I even start to lean in that direction, I remember how much God loves me. I remember that, despite my sin, He acknowledges me at every turn. I remember that, God even says that if we deny him before men, he will deny us before the Heavenly Father.
And so, despite my frustrations of being "Saved While Dating", I persevere knowing that the RIGHT one will "find" me and will be able to see me. What I will never do is disavow my faith to accommodate ignorance. I guess I'll have to just chalk it up to being back in the dating game.
It is what it is.Keep walkin'...
MinD
Having to deny any part of yourself for anybody only indicates that the other person is not interested in you, the real you. It doesn't mean that you should walk away and feel any kind of way about yourself. But also, I find myself questioning this term Unequally yoked often. When I met my husband I was a devout, Bible-carrying, Christian, who was out to save everyone in sight, including him. He started studying with me, and we had differences. Sometimes I was confused because I believed he had to meet a checklist of Christian do's & don'ts. However, whenever I'd get all flustered and try to dump him over these things, God showed me, that we were equally yoked. No he wasn't baptized in my faith, yes, he worked on the Sabbath (which was a no-no, in my denomination), yes, he cursed, and wanted to have sex, etc. And YES we had the deepest Spiritual connection and mutual understanding of Spirit than I had ever shared with any other person. And when I didn't have on my pious cloak on, I had to admit that I liked sex (although we rarely did it very often before marriage, I mean rarely) I liked to curse, I like worldly things, but I loved God. We were equally yoked in deep ways, historical ways, spiritual ways, and cultural ways. We were equally yoked in ways that were beyond religious legalese, rules, & rigidity. And today, after 20 years together (19 married), we are more Spiritually in sync than ever, so much so that we've taken a different religious path hand in hand.
ReplyDeleteSo I would say, that when looking to be equally yoked, make sure you are looking for the true and genuine measures and not the ones, that fellow Christians tell you to look out for.
Brooke
The thing I'm most concerned aboutf when it says "equally yoked" is the phrase right after that in the verse that says "with unbelievers ". He doesn't have to do everything I do or say everything I say about religion. He does, however, have to believe in Christ. Period. After that, I'm in agreement that we can't approach relationships with a legalistic mindset. What I'm saying here is that I may release legalistic ideas but the men I encounter often make assumptions about what I must be about because I carry the title Christian proudly.
ReplyDelete