Blessings Along The Way

Midway through my morning walk, I decided to incorporate a bit of "simple service" into my route. I had walked a mile out and so on the mile back decided to use the small grocery bag I'd found in my pocket to pick up trash. It was my own mini-community clean up. The bag quickly filled to it's breaking point so I had to stop. However, on my last handful of trash with my gloved hand, I noticed something to the side of the discarded beer can I was picking up--a lone dollar bill.

I was immediately encouraged. The dollar may not go far in my struggling bank account, but it wasn't about the money. Some may have even left it on the ground because it was among the dirt and muck. However, those words on the back "In God We Trust" shouted at me to recognize the blessing that I had found along the way. The Lord sent this dollar to remind me of how there are blessings in the most unexpected places along life's route. When we focus on our surroundings and circumstances instead of doing the work God sent us to do (serving others and Him), we miss those small blessings around us that are the voice of God saying "I am still here.", "I have not forgotten you." and "You can trust Me."

I think that I will frame that dollar as a constant reminder of God's sweet blessings. If I could, I'd send you a framed dollar as well but that's not possible. What I can tell you is that He's still here, He hasn't forgotten you, and He's worthy of your trust. Take your eyes off your circumstance and get busy with His business and the blessings will truly overtake you.

Be encouraged!
--MinD

Don't Take It Personal...

Back in the day, there was this song...I can't even remember who sang it...but it has been coming to mind a lot t. It went a little something like this: "Don't take it personal. Take the bitter with the sweet. Easy come. Easy go." The last couple of weeks, that's what has been on my mind.

You see, it's easy for me to get really personally attached to everything that is going on in my life right now, INCLUDING business/ministry. These days, this IS my life. This is my focus. This is my baby. I've already pouted about how this walk on the water is definitely a lonely one, but what makes it more "interesting" is that nothing I'm doing is as important to anyone else as it is to me. I've gotten frustrated at times, wanting to shake the world and say "come on it's time!!!". But, I have to remember that nothing that God has given me is necessarily going to make or break someone else's life where it may just make or break mine. When you work for someone else, in another person's 'vineyard', it's easy to be somewhat detached to the process. We are all well-meaning in our volunteer and work efforts for others but can never be as invested as the person for whom this is their life.

That is an important thing for me to remember as things don't go the way I want or disappointments come my way or even as people decide not to be involved with me or my ministry. Though it's hard not to take it personal, it's a must. No matter what we go through in our lives, we have to remember that our walk with God is a personal one. A wise friend once told me that God gives US enough faith for what He's called us to do and not other people. So we can't be mad or astounded when they don't believe or connect at the level that we would like. Even in our personal lives, we can't be mad if our husbands, wives, friends, parents don't "get it" when we want to go a specific direction. We just have to trust that God will work on them enough to not hinder our process and so that they will instead enhance that which he's given us.

So, in the mean time, I'll continue humming that song..."Don't take it personal...take the bitter with the sweet..." because I truly understand that, though bitter comes, sweet is right around the corner!

Be encouraged!
--MinD

By the way, if you remember who that song was by...comment on this and let me know or it's gonna bug me all day! :)

The Personal Side of Water Walking Alone

I didn't think that this blog would end up being so personal and had originally no intention of talking about my love life, but I decided this week to let you in on the other side of this reality of walking the water. I figured this wouldn't be completely authentic without all sides. You see, I'm a single gal. Wanting to be married. No kids. Wanting to have kids. Getting older. Refuse to admit my clock may even have a tick in it. Dealing with the aftermath of failed relationships and all that goes with that...

So when I thought about doing this--walking into destiny, doing ministry, living for Jesus--I truly did not anticipate that I'd be doing it alone. In my dream of dreams I used to imagine galavanting around the world with a strong man who loves God as much as me and is willing to walk beside me on the water with both our eyes on Jesus. And while I know my walk towards God is in no way contingent on a husband and child, it's just not how I envisioned this season of my life going.

Some days I'm fine with it. Some days...not so much. Perhaps this was one of the weeks that it isn't quite making sense to do by myself. And I don't have the answers still. However, what I realized this week when I was talking to a potential new "friend" is that I am in a space where I've decided to focus more on HOPE than HURT. You see, water-walking has to be about hope in all sides of your life. If we're going to have a real conversation about faith, I can't just decide to share with you all about the areas of my life that conveniently fit into my professional/ministry corner. It can't be just about ministry.

Ministry is personal on all sides. As you decide to walk in faith you have to realize that you can't compartmentalize. So I encourage you to open up and walk with great HOPE and release all residue of HURTS that may hinder where you are going.

Blessings to ya!

Stay Out Of Your Way

The thought that comes to mind as I reflect on this week in the business of water-walking is the fact that I can only pray that I’m not getting in my own way. This will not be a long entry because of that. I was thinking about Lots’ wife in the book of Genesis. She wasn’t able to move forward because she looked back. I thought about Jonah whose detour into the belly of the fish was due to his own disobedience. I even think about some non-biblical examples of people I see in modern times like Whitney Houston or Tiger Woods who seem to have the world at their fingers but then do something that changes the trajectory of their blessings.

Driving down the street today, my prayer was simple, “Lord, please do not allow me to be the reason why I don’t make it to the next level.” 

A Long Way from Entitlement Rd. to Heavenly Blvd.

So the journey has taken a turn this week that I'm not particularly proud of--down the road of entitlement. In the midst of just trying to keep my head on straight, I found myself slipping into a dangerous space--the space of "I deserve". In my mind I started to self-righteously rationalize with God how I wasn't a bad person, how I was trying to please Him with my life, how though not perfect I hadn't been a ho (yes, I said it), how I wasn't a drug addict, how I gave to the poor and paid my tithes...the list went on and on and ended with my plea to God saying "so why is it that I don't have X, Y, or Z like all the other kids in the sandbox?"

My tantrum was one that only God could hear. You can fill in any number of things where those letters lie. Why don't I have a car that runs without announcing itself before I get there? Why don't I have the money to give ten times what I keep? Why am I the one who is single? Why don't I have kids? Why is my money funny and change strange? Why is it...Well you get the point.

I wish I could say that the Lord's answer was a swift "My bad" followed by His endowing me with those things. But instead I was reminded of the story of the rich young ruler in the New Testament. (He's been on my mind a lot lately as a matter of fact.) Jesus asked him to give all his earthly goods away and follow him in order to inherit eternal life. I started thinking of how we/Christians/I deserve NOTHING but that God's expectation is to give EVERYTHING. It doesn't make it any easier to swallow or make the desire for the car, house, man, child, money dissipate; but it does put it all in perspective.

At the end of the day, I can say that it's my heart's desire to not have my story end like the rich young ruler's did. I don't want it to be said of me that instead of giving all my temporal desires, I sacrificed my eternal rewards. So when you hear me coming in my "put put" car, you'll know that I surrendered to the fact that the call to hear 'well done' when it's all said is much greater than my desire to stay on Entitlement Road even though that's a long road to travel. At this point in my walk on this here water, all roads have got to lead away from entitlement to that Heavenly Boulevard where I know I'll find peace.

Pray for me as I pray for you.

Stop Resisting the Upgrade!

For months now, my computer has been putting up messages when I’d visit various internet sites telling me “we see that you’re using an outdated version of explorer and would recommend that you upgrade for maximum use of this site”. Inevitably, I would press the DECLINE button and proceed through the site—not knowing what I was missing. I was hesitant because sometimes upgrades in the past have made it virtually impossible for me to do some of the things I needed to do for school or work. I couldn’t take the risk during a busy season that something would crash. I didn’t want to take the time to go against any possible learning curve that may pop up should the upgrade be more than expected. So I muddled through. My browser was slow but I blamed it on my computer. Many evenings I would have an extra 20 minutes of “wait time” padded into a project to account for whatever time it would take for sites to load and me to maneuver around the Internet. Frustrated doesn’t do justice to the number of times I would have to “woo sah” and practice my deep breathing exercises while praying for the ability to be at peace while I waited.

Then the other night, I finally succumbed to the pressure and thought to myself, “why not?” Those things that were critical were no longer critical. If I had to learn new tricks, I would have time now. And so I pushed “ok” and stopped resisting the upgrade. To say that it was as if the clouds opened up and light began shining bright and birds singing may be a bit of an overstatement. However, it was darn close to that very experience.  I began surfing with great ease. The frustrations I had felt all fell away. I began kicking myself…wondering why it was that I had resisted the upgrade.

And the Lord began to deal with me today saying that I was being a baby is what it is and throwing a tantrum about change. Truly, change is usually something that I embrace. But I think that, in this season where change is all around me, I decided to hold tightly to one little thing that I felt I could control. It seemed like nothing, but that ‘nothing’ caused endless frustration and dissatisfaction. And the minute I was able to release that thing, I became invigorated and productive in the things that God has on my plate right now.

How often do we do that in life? Hold on to some piece of minutia in an effort to exert our control. We make silly choices to DECLINE the things that God brings our way that have the potential to open up a new world of productivity in Him. We shun people and walk away from meaningful friendships--disregarding those who don't seem to "fit" where we are right now. We close the door to potential opportunities with negative, resistant, closed-minded attitudes that just want to hold on to that last piece of "the way it used to be". Well let me be the one to tell you that today is a good day to STOP RESISTING and upgrade. Release control and allow God to transform your life even through the small things. Don’t delay!!!

Forgotten Feeling

Last week, I had the pleasure of teaching at a conference at my old church/place of employment.  I stood before the people, I found myself completely invigorated just in having the opportunity to stand before others and preach/teach. Somewhere along the way, I think I forgot all about that feeling...The feeling of being in exactly the right place at exactly the right time, doing exactly the right thing, for exactly the right people. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world. I can equate it only to an exhilaration that heightens whatever sense of peace you may already have.

The last few months have been a journey that I, honestly, haven't even had the energy to write about. Each day has held it's own trials and triumphs. Each day has been a battle of getting up to take one more step towards destiny. Each day I have had to tap into the left-overs of that exhilarated feeling. I've tried to approach each day with a purposeful spirit and some days I do that better than others. What I'm supposed to be doing hasn't changed. I'm in exactly the right space--out here on this water, looking around without a shore in sight--and there is definitely a "peace that surpasses all understanding" that has lived with me despite the challenges that I may face. However, who knew that it would feel like this to be wondering which direction my next step will take me in?

It can sometimes be a bit overwhelming. I found myself yesterday reaching out to a friend I hadn't heard from in a while and reminding her that she needed to be sure not to isolate herself. The words sounded foreign in my ears since, to some degree, I had started to do the very same thing. And I realized that I had forgotten a piece of me that I needed to stay connected to--this blog. I had allowed the enemy (yes, I believe that the devil is real and that his imps are at work every moment of every day on his behalf) to take me into a space of isolation and silence that is definitely not cool. I was sitting on the edge of depression wondering if I should cross the line and walk into that lonely room or keep looking at Jesus whose out here on the water with me. Depression is a beast and can be a tempting lure that Christians don't talk about because they think it's sacrilege to admit that something other than God may influence your emotions. But depression is real and so many of us flirt with it even if we never take the full plunge. 

So today, with one foot in front of the other (or rather one keyboard tap after the next), I've made a decision to make the move towards Jesus instead. (Ha! Devil didn't get me this time!) And so here I sit today...eager to connect...taking baby steps to rekindle that exhilaration and remember that forgotten feeling. 

It's good to be back!

After Rested Then What?

I find myself in a daze. It’s taken weeks now to begin to feel like I can add one and one. I have to admit that even now, I’m not sure if it’s two or four but I feel like I’m getting closer (haha). But, through this period, I’ve been reviewing with God the lesson about the value of rest in sustaining our power to work in the Kingdom.

So many of us push and push and push until there is nothing left. But even with the birthing of a baby, something follows the push. You have to have enough left over to actually raise the child. Over the last ten years or so, I feel as though I’ve been in preparation mode—bringing me to this time and this season of water walking and destiny grabbing. The effort has been big. My consistency has generally been on point. My heart has been in the right place. I’ve learned so much each and every day about God, my life, my relationship with him, church, and how to meet other’s needs. So what happens if when I push and push and push, I’m suddenly simply too tired to do much of anything else? I feel like that’s where I’ve been the last six weeks—too tired to do much of anything else.

So I have to thank God for the grace to have this moment of rejuvenation and rest. I have to thank Him that He has guarded my mind and my heart while I meditate on Him some days and meditated on nothing other days. I praise Him for allowing me the time to get myself together. But, to use a phrase often used by Oprah Winfrey, “what I know to be true” is that that time has come to and end. And I feel as though I have to move forward with a clear determination to not fall or look back. I can’t be like Lott’s wife in the Bible and turn to this virtual pillar of salt by looking back. The resting period is over and it is now time to refocus and rev up my engines.

Don’t Be Moses’ Cousin

The last few months, it seems like I’ve been having so many conversations about faith. It seems as though faith is truly the theme of my life and even more so in this current season. I even had to teach a class on “Faith That Pleases God” as I was anticipating the transition that I am currently living out. Only God could’ve worked that into my schedule of “must do”s for this season.

And yet, what I know is that no matter how much I talk about it (several conversations even in the last couple of days) or however many songs are sung about it, it doesn’t seem to come home with us Christians. So many Christians talk about signs and wonders. So many of us are looking for God to send us confirmation before we move and do whatever it is that he said do or before we follow the tugging in our heart (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit) pulling on us to move one way or another out of stagnation. I once heard a woman preach that we look for God to go even beyond what he did with the fleeces in the Bible (Judges 6) and provide ‘confirmations of his confirmations for his confirmations with additional confirmations’.

But these days, I’ve been sincerely aware that the Biblical definition of faith is so real—“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...” (Hebrews 11:1). Not confirmations. This Christian walk (on water or anywhere else) is about faith and not signs. Whatever you are looking for God to do in your life, know that it is His desire to meet you in your place of faith. You may not understand it. You may not even feel like doing the next thing. It may scare the beejeezes out of you as it has me.

These days, I certainly can’t see it. Can you? The road before me is not clear. I don’t know all the details of how the bills will get paid. I can’t answer all the questions how the ministry/business will develop. I don’t even fully know how I can live out this strong desire in my heart to be a wife and mother. All I can see is what God promised. And so today the thought came to mind that I don’t want to be like Moses’ cousins. You see, Moses was set to take God’s people into the Promised Land, but after dealing with his “cousins” (a whole generation of the Children of Israel), both he and they were denied entry into the promise. They stepped out and then messed it up with doubt and misgivings and grumbling. They stepped out and then tried to bring some of their old madness back into their lives. So I have said to God in this season that I’m willing to let it ALL go for the Promise. Are you? It doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t match what I want or what I thought the promise looked like, but what does matter is that God does not give up on me because I grumble through the wilderness. I do not want to be one of Moses’ cousins. You shouldn’t want to either.

Intentional Nonchalance for Christ

This week I was praying with my prayer partner and she said something while praying for me that stood out in my mind. We discussed the fact that I have been intentionally trying to stay in a place of peace. I’ve had that scripture that says ‘whatever things are good…meditate on those things’ and I shared with her that I didn’t want to go too far and become one of those people who ignored reality and buried my head in the sand but needed to stand on my trust that the Lord won’t leave me where He has guided me. For whatever it’s worth, I am acutely aware that the money is spare and process is moving slow towards my destiny. However, I’m also acutely aware that worrying about it won’t change a thing. In fact, the Bible specifically says not to worry. And so as she prayed she said the phrase “intentional nonchalance” and that stuck with me. Her prayer? “Lord, we pray that her nonchalance in the flesh will only be about her full surrender in the Spirit.”

Amen.

These days I have decided that knowing that I’m in the right place at the right time despite the circumstances will simply have to be enough. Knowing that I moved when God said move will have to keep me content in this season of “abasement”. It has to be enough that God said even when I’m feeling alone. Living in a time when I’m not sure how or if the ends will or ever should meet again has been graciously covered by that very thing that God promised—peace that surpasses all understanding. …It’s enough to make you laugh to keep from crying…even as I went to grab that reference from my Bible, my eyes fell on Philippians 3:8 (in the Amplified version of the Bible) which says,

“Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs), in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One),”

Wow! Not much more needs to be said after that. So friends, it’s just another day in my life of water-walking—a day when I am wholeheartedly walking in a haze of intentional nonchalance and surrender to the Spirit.

*This post was written Thursday, May 12, 2011 but unable to be posted due to site/technical difficulties

CHANGE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU!

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I finished with work (yes...I ended up working past my original March 31st date). Each day over the last month has in many ways been an act of looking myself in the eye and asking the hard questions: "Who are you?" and "Who do you want to be?" Throughout each day, my mind has run amuck trying to figure life out and I've had to practice restraint and not run after it. With each passing thought, I've had to silence the "what ifs" of my situation and focus on that moment. I can tell you that it's not always an easy task.

What I see before me, what I see behind me and what I see in each day are so drastically different. Yesterday was fulfilling and full of hard work and dedication--stretching and tiring to say the least. It felt like I never stopped to breathe. Tomorrow looks a lot the same. But today is still and quiet. Now that work on my job at the church is done and I have the space the think, I have been rejoicing in the chance to be refreshed and revived by the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been doing nothing. That's simply not in my personality. But I haven't been doing everything either. I haven't put pressure on myself to write. I haven't put pressure on myself to "figure out" and foresee the details of God's plan. I haven't put pressure on myself to do much of anything except to allow God to heal the burnt edges of my spirit and my drive to work.

But that can only last so long, and as I look around I know that there is so much to be done. It's been an interesting journey--one that is completely contradictory to my borderline-Type A personality that wants to go and fix and do and plan. Even if I begin to worry about money or any other concerning aspects of this faith business, I hear the Lord saying, "Stop! Rest in Me." I feel the Lord pointing to the places in the Word that says that He is my rest, He is my place of strength. It overwhelming. It's enough to have a brain freeze from the overload. And to combat that, I've been writing in my journal, seeking godly counsel and spending quiet time sifting through some of my emotions--trying not to lose sight of the fact that I have a purpose. This is not the time to freeze or faint.

As I try to walk in faith, I have to encourage myself that TODAY is a new day and another opportunity to serve God. Everyday I've had to encourage myself that today doesn't have to look the way that it always has with business and moving and always going from one project/appointment/meeting/job to the next. Instead, today can look like repairing myself. Today can look like taking a moment to just be with Him. Today can look like a moment where I just veg out in front of the T.V.

And I'm reminded almost every day of something one of my friends said to me on Facebook when I cut my hair the day of my Exit Interview from work. You see, I had gotten my hair cut drastically. It seemed like a good time to make my outside appearance reflect my inside. It was a cutting away of the unnecessary and a stripping down to the bare bones of who I am. And, in my excitement, I posted a picture of my new look on my page. What she said is, "Change looks good on you." In that act of looking in the mirror and facing myself every day, I am reminded that change looks good on me.

Life may not always feel right. Life may not always look the way it has. It may not always make sense, but let me encourage you today that change looks good on you too.

Keep walkin'!

Alone

Today was supposed to be the day.

It's been difficult for me to write about this the past two weeks. The days have seemed to run together. I've honestly been feeling inadequate. I've been running around doing what seems to be nothing and getting almost nothing accomplished, putting out fires and dealing with immediate needs. All my lofty goals to "leave valiantly" have gone out the window and I just want to leave having honored God to the best of my ability. My job has extended a bit even though I will officially be out of my office this week. And through it all, there is one over-arching feeling--loneliness.

I know I shouldn't admit that. I'm supposed to be ok with just me and Jesus. And I am. Don't get me wrong. My contentedness for Christ hasn't dulled because my flesh is in this random controversy, but...well...I said that this blog would be about the transparent journey to my destiny and victory. I wish that I could say that I'm feeling on top of the world. I wish that I could say that I'm feeling bold as a lion. Everyone I come across asks, "Are you excited?!" and I have to conveniently find ways to not lie but be somewhat evasive. I know this move is God. I know it's His will. I know that I'm on the right road. But, at the end of the day, I'm scared and feeling alone.

As I was comisserating with a friend about my loneliness, I realized the ultimate secret that we all are supposed to get--It's not about me. It's not rocket-science. It's just not. And perhaps that's the point. I'm nobody special. I'm just a child of God who's trying to do something for Him. Sometimes I get it right. sometimes I don't. But no matter what I do or don't get or who does or doesn't get me, God is still in control. Period.

Be encouraged!

I Quit!

I know that it's contradictory to my "Strong Woman Syndrome" to utter those words. "I quit!" The Superwoman in me shudders at the mere thought of the words. "I quit!" It's the opposite of everything that I've been brought up to think. And yet, this time those two little words bring no shame, no dread, no disappointment. This time, the words bring a sense of freedom, boldness, anticipation, anxiousness...and yes some bits of fear. You see, about 45 days ago, I submitted my resignation. 

I've been working at a wonderful church for 3 1/2 years. I love what I do. I love my pastor. I appreciate all that I've done here, but the Lord told me it was time to go. And for a year or so I have hemmed and hawed. I was looking for God to appear out of the clouds and, with a thundering voice, confirm "Daughter Andrea, it's time to move on!" That didn't happen. I was waiting for the plan for my life to be so stunningly clear. That didn't happen. I was waiting and waiting and waiting for God to make some kind of move while, in retrospect, I know that He's been waiting on me to do the same. 

I say that my ministry is to help people get "unstuck" in their lives and pursue their destinies. I say that I desire to help people live wholly healed lives. But over the last year I've been a walking hypocrite because I was stuck in my own comfort zone while looking for God to work miracles. I've gained over 40lbs with the stress and discomfort of life. I've lost sleep. I've missed opportunities to just be while sitting in this place. And so, I figured that it was about time to move. The Word of the Lord came in so many ways that I could no longer ignore Him, and so I said those two fateful words.

So here is where this part of my journey begins. I decided to start this blog because, as ministers, we often live these closed off lives where people either place you on a pedestal or they despise you but simply don't allow you to be human--mostly because we shroud ourselves in secrecy and don't live transparently. I decided to start this blog so that people could see that if someone like me who is headstrong and wants what I want can submit myself humbly to God, so can they. I am starting this blog to encourage others as they make every attempt to walk on water towards God and let them know that they aren't alone. 

Truth be told: I'm shaking in my boots, scared to fail, scared to succeed, scared to not do anything at all and praying that you will walk this walk with me and perhaps even encourage me along the way too.  I will be pouring my heart out over the Internet as I make every effort to remain calm and do what God said.

Ready?

Let's go!  The countdown begins...