Don’t Be Moses’ Cousin

The last few months, it seems like I’ve been having so many conversations about faith. It seems as though faith is truly the theme of my life and even more so in this current season. I even had to teach a class on “Faith That Pleases God” as I was anticipating the transition that I am currently living out. Only God could’ve worked that into my schedule of “must do”s for this season.

And yet, what I know is that no matter how much I talk about it (several conversations even in the last couple of days) or however many songs are sung about it, it doesn’t seem to come home with us Christians. So many Christians talk about signs and wonders. So many of us are looking for God to send us confirmation before we move and do whatever it is that he said do or before we follow the tugging in our heart (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit) pulling on us to move one way or another out of stagnation. I once heard a woman preach that we look for God to go even beyond what he did with the fleeces in the Bible (Judges 6) and provide ‘confirmations of his confirmations for his confirmations with additional confirmations’.

But these days, I’ve been sincerely aware that the Biblical definition of faith is so real—“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...” (Hebrews 11:1). Not confirmations. This Christian walk (on water or anywhere else) is about faith and not signs. Whatever you are looking for God to do in your life, know that it is His desire to meet you in your place of faith. You may not understand it. You may not even feel like doing the next thing. It may scare the beejeezes out of you as it has me.

These days, I certainly can’t see it. Can you? The road before me is not clear. I don’t know all the details of how the bills will get paid. I can’t answer all the questions how the ministry/business will develop. I don’t even fully know how I can live out this strong desire in my heart to be a wife and mother. All I can see is what God promised. And so today the thought came to mind that I don’t want to be like Moses’ cousins. You see, Moses was set to take God’s people into the Promised Land, but after dealing with his “cousins” (a whole generation of the Children of Israel), both he and they were denied entry into the promise. They stepped out and then messed it up with doubt and misgivings and grumbling. They stepped out and then tried to bring some of their old madness back into their lives. So I have said to God in this season that I’m willing to let it ALL go for the Promise. Are you? It doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t match what I want or what I thought the promise looked like, but what does matter is that God does not give up on me because I grumble through the wilderness. I do not want to be one of Moses’ cousins. You shouldn’t want to either.

Intentional Nonchalance for Christ

This week I was praying with my prayer partner and she said something while praying for me that stood out in my mind. We discussed the fact that I have been intentionally trying to stay in a place of peace. I’ve had that scripture that says ‘whatever things are good…meditate on those things’ and I shared with her that I didn’t want to go too far and become one of those people who ignored reality and buried my head in the sand but needed to stand on my trust that the Lord won’t leave me where He has guided me. For whatever it’s worth, I am acutely aware that the money is spare and process is moving slow towards my destiny. However, I’m also acutely aware that worrying about it won’t change a thing. In fact, the Bible specifically says not to worry. And so as she prayed she said the phrase “intentional nonchalance” and that stuck with me. Her prayer? “Lord, we pray that her nonchalance in the flesh will only be about her full surrender in the Spirit.”

Amen.

These days I have decided that knowing that I’m in the right place at the right time despite the circumstances will simply have to be enough. Knowing that I moved when God said move will have to keep me content in this season of “abasement”. It has to be enough that God said even when I’m feeling alone. Living in a time when I’m not sure how or if the ends will or ever should meet again has been graciously covered by that very thing that God promised—peace that surpasses all understanding. …It’s enough to make you laugh to keep from crying…even as I went to grab that reference from my Bible, my eyes fell on Philippians 3:8 (in the Amplified version of the Bible) which says,

“Yes, furthermore, I count everything as loss compared to the possession of the priceless privilege (the overwhelming preciousness, the surpassing worth, and supreme advantage) of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord and of progressively becoming more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him [of perceiving and recognizing and understanding Him more fully and clearly]. For His sake I have lost everything and consider it all to be mere rubbish (refuse, dregs), in order that I may win (gain) Christ (the Anointed One),”

Wow! Not much more needs to be said after that. So friends, it’s just another day in my life of water-walking—a day when I am wholeheartedly walking in a haze of intentional nonchalance and surrender to the Spirit.

*This post was written Thursday, May 12, 2011 but unable to be posted due to site/technical difficulties

CHANGE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU!

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I finished with work (yes...I ended up working past my original March 31st date). Each day over the last month has in many ways been an act of looking myself in the eye and asking the hard questions: "Who are you?" and "Who do you want to be?" Throughout each day, my mind has run amuck trying to figure life out and I've had to practice restraint and not run after it. With each passing thought, I've had to silence the "what ifs" of my situation and focus on that moment. I can tell you that it's not always an easy task.

What I see before me, what I see behind me and what I see in each day are so drastically different. Yesterday was fulfilling and full of hard work and dedication--stretching and tiring to say the least. It felt like I never stopped to breathe. Tomorrow looks a lot the same. But today is still and quiet. Now that work on my job at the church is done and I have the space the think, I have been rejoicing in the chance to be refreshed and revived by the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been doing nothing. That's simply not in my personality. But I haven't been doing everything either. I haven't put pressure on myself to write. I haven't put pressure on myself to "figure out" and foresee the details of God's plan. I haven't put pressure on myself to do much of anything except to allow God to heal the burnt edges of my spirit and my drive to work.

But that can only last so long, and as I look around I know that there is so much to be done. It's been an interesting journey--one that is completely contradictory to my borderline-Type A personality that wants to go and fix and do and plan. Even if I begin to worry about money or any other concerning aspects of this faith business, I hear the Lord saying, "Stop! Rest in Me." I feel the Lord pointing to the places in the Word that says that He is my rest, He is my place of strength. It overwhelming. It's enough to have a brain freeze from the overload. And to combat that, I've been writing in my journal, seeking godly counsel and spending quiet time sifting through some of my emotions--trying not to lose sight of the fact that I have a purpose. This is not the time to freeze or faint.

As I try to walk in faith, I have to encourage myself that TODAY is a new day and another opportunity to serve God. Everyday I've had to encourage myself that today doesn't have to look the way that it always has with business and moving and always going from one project/appointment/meeting/job to the next. Instead, today can look like repairing myself. Today can look like taking a moment to just be with Him. Today can look like a moment where I just veg out in front of the T.V.

And I'm reminded almost every day of something one of my friends said to me on Facebook when I cut my hair the day of my Exit Interview from work. You see, I had gotten my hair cut drastically. It seemed like a good time to make my outside appearance reflect my inside. It was a cutting away of the unnecessary and a stripping down to the bare bones of who I am. And, in my excitement, I posted a picture of my new look on my page. What she said is, "Change looks good on you." In that act of looking in the mirror and facing myself every day, I am reminded that change looks good on me.

Life may not always feel right. Life may not always look the way it has. It may not always make sense, but let me encourage you today that change looks good on you too.

Keep walkin'!