Forgotten Feeling

Last week, I had the pleasure of teaching at a conference at my old church/place of employment.  I stood before the people, I found myself completely invigorated just in having the opportunity to stand before others and preach/teach. Somewhere along the way, I think I forgot all about that feeling...The feeling of being in exactly the right place at exactly the right time, doing exactly the right thing, for exactly the right people. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world. I can equate it only to an exhilaration that heightens whatever sense of peace you may already have.

The last few months have been a journey that I, honestly, haven't even had the energy to write about. Each day has held it's own trials and triumphs. Each day has been a battle of getting up to take one more step towards destiny. Each day I have had to tap into the left-overs of that exhilarated feeling. I've tried to approach each day with a purposeful spirit and some days I do that better than others. What I'm supposed to be doing hasn't changed. I'm in exactly the right space--out here on this water, looking around without a shore in sight--and there is definitely a "peace that surpasses all understanding" that has lived with me despite the challenges that I may face. However, who knew that it would feel like this to be wondering which direction my next step will take me in?

It can sometimes be a bit overwhelming. I found myself yesterday reaching out to a friend I hadn't heard from in a while and reminding her that she needed to be sure not to isolate herself. The words sounded foreign in my ears since, to some degree, I had started to do the very same thing. And I realized that I had forgotten a piece of me that I needed to stay connected to--this blog. I had allowed the enemy (yes, I believe that the devil is real and that his imps are at work every moment of every day on his behalf) to take me into a space of isolation and silence that is definitely not cool. I was sitting on the edge of depression wondering if I should cross the line and walk into that lonely room or keep looking at Jesus whose out here on the water with me. Depression is a beast and can be a tempting lure that Christians don't talk about because they think it's sacrilege to admit that something other than God may influence your emotions. But depression is real and so many of us flirt with it even if we never take the full plunge. 

So today, with one foot in front of the other (or rather one keyboard tap after the next), I've made a decision to make the move towards Jesus instead. (Ha! Devil didn't get me this time!) And so here I sit today...eager to connect...taking baby steps to rekindle that exhilaration and remember that forgotten feeling. 

It's good to be back!