A Long Way from Entitlement Rd. to Heavenly Blvd.

So the journey has taken a turn this week that I'm not particularly proud of--down the road of entitlement. In the midst of just trying to keep my head on straight, I found myself slipping into a dangerous space--the space of "I deserve". In my mind I started to self-righteously rationalize with God how I wasn't a bad person, how I was trying to please Him with my life, how though not perfect I hadn't been a ho (yes, I said it), how I wasn't a drug addict, how I gave to the poor and paid my tithes...the list went on and on and ended with my plea to God saying "so why is it that I don't have X, Y, or Z like all the other kids in the sandbox?"

My tantrum was one that only God could hear. You can fill in any number of things where those letters lie. Why don't I have a car that runs without announcing itself before I get there? Why don't I have the money to give ten times what I keep? Why am I the one who is single? Why don't I have kids? Why is my money funny and change strange? Why is it...Well you get the point.

I wish I could say that the Lord's answer was a swift "My bad" followed by His endowing me with those things. But instead I was reminded of the story of the rich young ruler in the New Testament. (He's been on my mind a lot lately as a matter of fact.) Jesus asked him to give all his earthly goods away and follow him in order to inherit eternal life. I started thinking of how we/Christians/I deserve NOTHING but that God's expectation is to give EVERYTHING. It doesn't make it any easier to swallow or make the desire for the car, house, man, child, money dissipate; but it does put it all in perspective.

At the end of the day, I can say that it's my heart's desire to not have my story end like the rich young ruler's did. I don't want it to be said of me that instead of giving all my temporal desires, I sacrificed my eternal rewards. So when you hear me coming in my "put put" car, you'll know that I surrendered to the fact that the call to hear 'well done' when it's all said is much greater than my desire to stay on Entitlement Road even though that's a long road to travel. At this point in my walk on this here water, all roads have got to lead away from entitlement to that Heavenly Boulevard where I know I'll find peace.

Pray for me as I pray for you.